


Perfect For Each Other, But Never Meant To Be

by BetterThanburningontheceiling, Crystits (BetterThanburningontheceiling)



Category: Free!
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Love at First Sight, M/M, Mental Institutions, Trains, Unrequited Love, and hurt, endless searching, lots of comfort, slight gore, weird AU gimmick added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-23
Updated: 2016-04-02
Packaged: 2018-01-26 05:11:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 16
Words: 36,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1675919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BetterThanburningontheceiling/pseuds/BetterThanburningontheceiling, https://archiveofourown.org/users/BetterThanburningontheceiling/pseuds/Crystits
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Makoto was just on his way to visit some family. No way was he expecting to meet the love of his life on the way there.<br/>So how will they end up?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

    It was a rather nice day, the first in a while, and Makoto had to spend a good chunk of it riding on a train… It’d all be worth it in the end, anyway. After all, on the 11th, he was supposed to be going out with his family there to meet up with an old friend or two. It was sure to be exciting. Just thinking about it made him feel excited. It’d been so long since they’d seen each other, more than a few years even.

              When Makoto got his first glimpse of that boy through the fogged up window of the train, he knew there was something different about him. For some reason, seeing this boy made his chest pound. And that only got worse as he boarded the train and headed towards the direction that the boy was sitting. The train was packed tight and it was hard to move as no one seemed concerned with those trying to find a seat.

              Unconsciously Makoto found himself looked for the boy he saw earlier. It did take a moment, but his eyes fell upon that dark head of hair and immediately moved towards him. Lucky, it seemed that the seat next to him was open! But he had his bag sitting on it…

              “Uhm. Excuse me?” Makoto leaned in, trying to get the boy’s attention. However, it seemed he was quite focused on the book that he was reading. “Hello?” Makoto tried again, “May I please sit here? The train is going to start moving soon.” The boy continued to ignore him.

              “Excuse me, sir! You need to take a seat!” An attendant called.

              “Sorry!” Makoto apologized, and then turned back to the boy. He couldn’t help but notice how his shirt seemed to frame him rather nicely, despite him sitting down. “Will you

move your bag so that I can sit here?” He asked again, starting to feel a bit impatient.

              Finally the boy looked up at Makoto and green eyes met deep eyes met blue. His breathing halted and heart skipped a beat or two. It was odd, suddenly getting lost in some boy’s eyes, being unable to look away. Makoto felt something spark up inside him and for a moment he wondered what t could be. But then he saw the boy’s eyes light up as well and he realized…

              He was the one. He was Makoto’s _the one_. And Makoto was his _the one_ as well. Lucky. He had known others who came across theirs, but it didn’t run both ways, which would be horrendously unfortunate.

              Makoto swallowed hard, unsure what to say.

              “Sir!” He heard the attendant call, again. “Will you please sit!”

              “Right! I’m terribly sorry!” Makoto apologizing. Once again he turned to look as the boy to ask him if he could sit next to him, but found that he had already placed his bag on the floor and had begun to read again.

              Makoto smiled and took his seat and soon the train began to move. He stared down at his lap, trying to think of anything, _anything_ at all to say. However, he found it difficult to speak and everything he thought to say just got caught up in his throat. So he thought it’d be best to start with the basics.

              “S-so…” He clumsily stammered, “M-my name’s Makoto Tachibana. And you are?”

              The boy didn’t look up from his reading as he dryly replied, “Haruka Nanase.”

             Makoto chuckled, “Well, isn’t that funny. Both of our names are mainly feminine. You know, I usually get made fun of because of my name, so I was kind of expecting to do the same. Not that it would have mattered, I mean, I’m used to it now, so I probably wouldn’t really mind if you did, anyway.” Haruka didn’t say anything, making Makoto feel silly. He cleared his throat and tried to start on a new topic.

              “So what are you reading?” He nervously asked.

              Haruka didn’t reply, but he slightly lifted the cover so that Makoto could see. ‘Ocean’s Kiss’ it read, ‘by J.T. Cheyanne’. Makoto had to hold back a laugh.

              Instead he asked, “Well, what’s it about? Do you like it?”

              “No.” Haruka surprisingly instantly replied, “Actually, I hate it.”

              “Oh? Why?”

              “Too much romance. Not what I was looking for.”

              “But it’s called Ocean’s Kiss…”

              “So?”

              “Doesn’t that title kind of tell you that it’s a romance?” Haruka didn’t reply. Instead he closed the book and started looking out the window. It made Makoto fear that he had upset Haruka. “If you don’t like it, why are you still reading it? He asked.

              Haruka shrugged, “It beats doing nothing.”

           “Oh. Yeah, I guess so.” Makoto paused. There was the end of that conversation… “Where are you headed?” That was the next basic conversation topic that came to mind.

           “The East.” Was Haruka’s simple reply.

           _I could have guessed that much._ Makoto thought. It was becoming apparent that either Haruka wasn’t much of a talker or he simply didn’t want to talk right now in the first place.

           And so Makoto decided to do the talking. “The East, huh? I’m headed that way as well. I have a family member I’m visiting over there. She says she lives pretty close to the ocean, so I’m really looking forward to swimming.” It seemed that as soon as Makoto mentioned ‘ocean’, he had fully caught Haruka’s attention, and then by ‘swimming’, Haruka was actually looking at him.

    Makoto made some quick deducing, “Do you like the ocean or something, Haruka?”

    Haruka paused for a moment before nodding, “Of course. I love water in general.”

    “Oh really? How good are you at swimming?”

    Haruka shrugged, “I don’t know. Pretty good, I guess.”

    “Really? We’ll have to have a race sometime.”

    “When are we supposed to get off of this train?”

    “Uhm. I’m not entirely sure. Why?”

    “So we can have a race.”

    “What? Already? But don’t you have somewhere you need to be?”

    “Not really.”

    “But… No offense, but why are you here?”

    “I don’t know. I just felt like I had to be on this train today.”

    Makoto blushed and looked down. “O-oh. Is that so…”

    “How long have you been a swimmer?” Haruka actually asked a question.

    “Well, I wouldn’t really call myself a swimmer. I mean, I don’t compete or anything, and I’m not on any kind of team. I just swim casually. But I’ve always liked swimming ever since I was little. What about you?”  

    “My team went to the championships.” He said almost immediately.

    “Wow! That’s kind of amazing! Did you win?”

    He sighed, “No. We came in second.”

    “Oh… I’m sorry…”

    “It’s okay. We’ll win for sure the next time.” There was a sort of glow in his eyes that Makoto could only define as determination. It seemed to come out of no where and became fiery bright as soon as he proclaimed that they will definitely win. Makoto couldn’t help but think that it was extremely cute. In fact, there was evidently a lot about this boy that Makoto found cute.   
    “I’ll be rooting for you.” Makoto smiled, pushing all thoughts to just kiss Haruka right then and there out of his head.

    Haruka nodded, “Thanks.”

    He, surprisingly, was the one to ask another question. His gaze travelled back out the window as he asked, “Do you have a girlfriend?”

    “W-what?!” Makoto blushed, surprised by the question. “N-no, I’m not dating anyone. Why do you ask?” He already knew the answer to that. They both felt the same thing, he was sure of it.

    “Just wondering.”

    “What about you, Haruka? Are you dating anyone?”

    “Nope.”

 

    Some half hour or so later, Makoto was starting to feel a bit hungry. Luckily, there was an attendant going around, checking up on everyone and asking if anyone wanted anything. It wasn’t the same attendant as before, Makoto noticed. This one was male and had long (for a boy), red hair.

    Eventually he got to their seat. “Can I get either of you two anything?” He asked.

    “I’ll have just a mackerel sandwich and water, please.” Makoto replied.

    “What about you, sir?” He referred to Haruka.

    “Just water.” Haruka replied.

    “Are you sure? Don’t you want something to eat?”

    Haruka turned towards him, “Yeah.” Makoto saw the boy’s eyes change when he saw Haruka’s face and it… It made him feel guilty after he realized what it was, but it also made him feel protective over Haruka.

    This was something Makoto had barely even heard of, it was so rare. Usually someone was supposed to have only one person who was perfect for them and they were supposed to be perfect for only one person. That’s just how the world was meant to be. However, sometimes the world is just absolutely cruel and does something like this.

    Makoto looked back at Haruka to see how he would react, only to get the urge to push the attendant boy away and make sure he stayed away. Haruka had that same light for him as well. Seeing this made Makoto’s heart drop into his stomach. But, at the same time, he was glad for his circumstances. It was rather lucky that he was the one sitting next to Haruka while this boy would have to continue on with his job. Otherwise they could get together, instead of him and Haruka.

    These thoughts and feelings surprised Makoto. He usually wasn’t the type to be this way, but… Well, this time he was. But he was glad that he wasn’t normally like this, because it sucked.

    He selfishly cleared his throat to snap the two out of their trance. It was usually cute and exciting to see a couple meet like this for the first time, but not this time. Not for Makoto.

    “Oh, r-right. Let me go get that for you.” The boy stuttered, then ran off.

    Makoto sighed and looked back to Haruka. He’d gone back to looking out the window again. Makoto was going to say something to him, but he got the feeling that he didn’t really want to talk at that moment.

 

    A questionable amount of time later…

    Eventually the two did talk again. They talked about plenty of things and really started to get to know each other. (One thing Makoto found was weird was that Haruka didn’t know that it was November! He had thought it was September.) It felt amazing just to talk to Haruka and it was also nice to know what everyone meant when they first found their

without just guessing about how it would feel.

    Luckily, that same attendant never came back. Sure, Makoto felt real bad for him, but at the same time, he couldn’t help but feel relieved. The chances of him ever finding another like him were a 1/1 billion of a chance.

    As Makoto thought of this, he realized something that… Well, it actually kind of made him feel better. Usually when one meets his or her  other, they would instantly know what they were like from past lives. Makoto barely knew anything about Haruka and what he did know was from talking to him here on the train. That would likely mean that before, in all his other past lives, he was probably with that attendant boy.

    It seemed that Makoto’s luck had yet to run out. If he had seen Haruka after that boy, again, he would have lost, again. Well, at least now he didn’t feel bad about getting to him first. However, in its place, it made him feel bad that now that boy knew everything about Haruka while Haruka knew nothing about him. Another one of the cruel rules the world has.

    “What’s wrong?” Haruka’s voice suddenly brought Makoto from his thoughts. He turned to look at the boy next to him, then receiving a worried look from him.

    “I was just daydreaming.” Makoto excused himself. It wasn’t exactly a lie, but he didn’t really want Haruka to know that he was thinking into this way too much.

    Haruka nodded, then returned his gaze out the window.

    It seemed they could see the water from where they were. Haruka looked as if he wanted to get off the train

to go dive in it. The sight made Makoto chuckle. He almost made a joke about it or something, but watching the glow in Haruka’s eyes was just too much of a reason not to.

    He found it funny how here he had just met this person, and already he seemed completely taken over by him. It was funny, but not funny, how they knew next to nothing about each other and already just watching him looking out the window, practically sparkles in his eyes as he gazed down at the water, made Makoto want to kiss Haruka. He had little of an idea how Haruka would react to that, but he knew it wouldn’t exactly be a bad idea. He figured, if anything, Haruka would be mad at him for doing it in public, or something along the lines of that.

    Sadly, however, the water passed by quickly, and soon the glow in Haruka’s eyes dulled down back to normal (not that his eyes were dull, no, not at all). He sighed and moved away from the window a few inches. (Makoto didn’t notice till now just how close he was in the first place.)

    Their eyes made contact in the reflection of the window, making Makoto embarrassed for staring.

    “What is it?” Haruka asked.

    “N-nothing! I was just thinking how cute you were.” Makoto quickly replied, instantly feeling the heat rush to his face as he realized what he just said.

    Haruka paused, looking surprised. “You… Think I’m cute?”

    “No!” Makoto shook his head, “I-I mean, yes, but-” he hid his head in his hands.

    “It’s alright. I think you’re kind of cute, too.” This wasn’t helping Makoto’s embarrassment.

    Makoto felt him tugging at his hand. He looked up to see Haruka smiling at him, and not in the funny kind of way. He smiled back and allowed Haruka to take his hand as he sat up straight again.

    Yes, more and more Makoto seemed to be falling deeply in love with this boy.

 

    But, of course, their moment was not to last. They were too busy being infatuated with each other to really notice the oncoming danger to react to it.

    So as Makoto stared into Haruka’s eyes, and Haruka into his, they were suddenly thrown to the side against the window, Makoto harshly colliding into Haruka as well, as the train began to tip over. They didn’t have anytime at all to think before they both blacked out.

  


    When Makoto woke, it took him a moment to realize where he was. The blindingly white walls, the slight occasional beeping noise, the smell. Yeah, no doubt it was a hospital. He tried to sit up, but felt too exhausted to do so.

    “Oh! You’re awake! That’s good.” A plump nurse said as she entered the room. She has short brown hair, about the length of his own hair, and nice round, rosy cheeks. “We were starting to fear that you wouldn’t wake up.” She said in a cheerful tone.

    “How long… Was I asleep?” Makoto breathily asked.

    “Oh, Eleven days or so.” She replied, going about her nursey business, “Almost two whole weeks!”

    “Oh…” He paused, wondering if his family was worried about him. Hopefully not too much. “What happened?” Was his next question. Something in his chest told him that he didn’t want to remember, but he knew he had to.

    The lady frowned. “There was a bad accident. The train you were on was hit by another that derailed. Quite honestly, young man, you’re lucky that you’re alive…”

    That’s right. He could remember being thrown around before blacking out. But… There was something more he had forgotten about. But what?

    The memory suddenly flashed before Makoto’s unprepared eyes.

 

 

_Makoto awoke to an awfully horrid smell that made him gag and unable to breathe. Everything, absolutely_ everything _hurt. His arms, his legs, head, back, and especially his chest. Oh, how his chest_ ached _, almost as if his heart had been ripped right out. Slowly he tried to open his eyes, but even the faint light from above hurt But he had to look around and see what had happened, so he forced them open._

_The first thing he noticed was the hand dangling a few inches from his face. That’s when he began to piece together where he was. The train. The light was coming through the cracked window above him, so it was rather dark._

_He wasn’t even moving yet and it seemed like the world was spinning around him. He must have hit his head or something…_

_That’s right, something hit the train and it.. It tipped._

Where’s Haruka? _The thought finally dawned on Makoto as he could already feel his consciousness starting to slip again. With all his will, he forced himself through the absolute agony of even moving a centimeter to look around more for the other male._

_It wasn’t hard. He had been right next to Makoto, and therefore still was. But that didn’t make Makoto any more prepared for what he saw when he looked next to him._

_There was blood, and an only increasing amount of it pooling next to him, all of it coming from his Haruka’s head. Glass was littered all around, no doubt from the broken window above, and some pieces had inserted themselves into Haruka’s cheek. But that wasn’t even the worst part…_

_His eyes… They were open and no longer had that glow in them, not even a slight glow. No, they were dull as if all their light had left them. There was no life in them at all anymore._

_“... Ha… Haru-... Haru- ka?” Makoto muttered, attempting to reach out toward the other male,but only succeeding in sending intense pain up his arm. He pushed through it anyway. He had to make sure that Haruka was okay! There was just_ no _way that-..._

_As Makoto brushed his trembling fingers over the other’s cut up cheek, it already had started to feel colder._

_Tears instantly welled up in Makoto’s eyes. “No, no no.” Makoto repeated over and over and over, “Dear god, no, please don’t do this!” He tried to shake the boy, but he himself was already falling back into his own unconscious, his head pounding and sight failing him. “Haru… ! Haruka!… Please… Please wake up … Please... Ha-ru…ka…”_

 

 

    “-Tachibana-kun!” The nurse’s voice finally pulled Makoto from the painful memory.

    He tried to take in deep breaths to calm his breathing. His hands were trembling terribly as well. He clenched them to make them stop. “Sorry.” He apologized, “I just remembered something…”

    “Oh, don’t apologize, dear. Is there something I can help with?”

    He thought for a moment. Did he really want to know any more? What if it wasn’t good news? What if he really didn’t want to know what happened? … What if-

    No, no, no, there was no way that he was

dead! MAkoto just couldn’t believe that, he had to have hope! He just had to know the truth.

    “Actually, maybe you can help me… ON the train, I was sitting next to someone. Would you know what happened to him?”

    “I might. What was his name?”

    “Haruka Nanase.”

    “Haruka Nanase, Haruka Nanase.” She repeated, rolling her eyes up in thought, “No, the name’s not ringing any bells. I can go checked to see if he has checked out or not, though. Maybe one of the other nurses has seen him.” She smiled reassuringly.

    “That would be great, thank you.”

    “Alright, dear, I’ll get to that as soon as I can. Now-” And she went on to explain why he was in there and how long he should still be there and blah blah blah, all stuff that didn’t really matter to Makoto at that moment. All he cared about was knowing that Haruka was safe.

 

    The nurse came back no more than ten minutes later, a sullen look on her face. Not good at all.

    “What is it?” Makoto asked wearily. “Where is he?” Panic set in even further when her only reply was a look of pity. “No. No, no! He can’t be!” The beeping of the heart rate monitor began to speed up as he sat up, his voice getting louder. “Where is he?! .. Tell me where he is! Where’s Haruka?!?!”

    “Tachibana-kun, please. You have to calm down.” The nurse practically whispered, lightly placing her hands on Makoto’s arms.

    “No!” Makoto pushed  her away from him.

    “I’m so sorry, dear. I really am. But I didn’t see the name Haruka Nanase on the list. Are you sure that was his name? Your memory is a little foggy, still, isn’t it?”

    “Of course that’s his name! I wouldn’t forget it! I can’t!”

    “Shhh, it’s okay. I’m sorry. If it’s any consolation, I’m sure it was mostly painless.”

   

Jesus, was she trying to console him or lying to him?!

    Makoto silently hung his head. He suddenly felt completely exhausted, again.

    “Do you want to talk about it?” She asked.

    “No. Thank you.” He sighed. “Maybe later.” Though he said, that, he knew it would probably be a long while before he wanted to talk about it. Never had he felt this…

before… Like a piece of him had been ripped right out and torn to shreds. He felt like he knew how widows felt when their spouse died. He had only known Haruka for a few short hours and still he was so head over heels in love with the boy.

    Haruka, the boy whose eyes shimmered at the sight of water. The boy who didn’t think that something titled ‘Ocean’s Kiss’ would be a romance. The boy who looked so cute with every little thing he said. The boy who had a feminine name, just like Makoto. The boy whose team was going to place first in the next championship.

    Haruka, the boy who was absolutely perfect for Makoto, and Makoto who was absolutely perfect for Haruka, seemed to of never meant to be.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So while writing this I thought to myself 'hey, why not base the accident off of an actual event?' And so then I spent like two hours trying to find something that would work and went with the Tsurumi rail accident on November 9th, 1963. (And then I ended up just basing the actual wreck off of it... Oops) (Here's the Wikipedia page for anyone interested, I guess. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tsurumi_rail_accident ) Not sure if it was worth the work finding it or not. Oh well. XD  
> I may or may not make this a series of sort that may or may not come to the same conclusion, but in different ways. Or maybe a nicer conclusion or something, I don't know yet. Still debating on whether this is an actual one-shot or not.  
> Anyway, please let me know what you think! This is my first time writing anything for Free! at all, so I'm curious as to how you all think I did. Any constructive criticism is always welcome!  
> Thank you for reading!


	2. The Search

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto hasn't been taking the loss very well and his friends are really starting to worry about him.

Haruka Nanase. Haruka Nanase.  The one  Haruka Nanase. He was alive. Definitely alive. He had to be. There was no way he could be… Dead…. No, that was just impossible. 

Makoto searched for him. Constantly. Even after an entire year, he never did give up. His friends all thought he was crazy. They didn’t have faith like he did. But they also didn’t know Haruka like he did, and they certainly didn’t love Haruka like he did…

There were plenty of times that Makoto had thought that he saw Haruka. There, sitting on the other side of the cafe, a few places ahead of him in line, a glimpse of him out of the corner of his eye mixed in with the  rest of the crowd. It was obvious to him that most of it was just his imagination, but that didn’t make him crazy. It just made him hopeful. After all, it had to be a sign that he was still alive, right? He knew Haruka was out there, somewhere, and he had to find him. No matter what it took and what it did to him and what it made everyone think of him, he had to. None of those things were more important than finding his love. 

 

One particular spacey day, Makoto and his two closest friends were out to eat at their usual place. And again, there he was, sitting at that same place, just like always. Makoto tried not to look in that direction for too long, as not to worry his friends, but he just couldn’t help it. 

“Mako-chan, is something wrong?” His friend, Nagisa asked, bringing him from his thoughts. 

Makoto turned to see them both giving him worried looks. “I’m sorry, what were you saying?” He asked. 

“Makoto-san, are you alright?” Rei asked. 

“I’m fine, I’m fine. Maybe just a little tired. That’s all.” 

Nagisa wasn’t believing it. “Is it him again…?” He knowingly asked. 

“I’m not sure what you’re talking about.” Makoto feigned, taking a sip of his drink. 

Nagisa and Rei exchanged glances. “Mako-chan, you really haven’t forgotten about him, yet, have you?” 

Makoto sighed. Of course they saw right through that. It was a poor attempt anyway. “No, I haven’t. How could I? I love him and he loves me. Besides, it’s not like he’s dead. I know he’s out there, so I have to find him…” He sighed, glancing down at the table, “I don’t know what I’ll do if I can’t.” 

“You don’t actually still believe that, do you?” Rei asked. 

“Of course I do!” 

“But Mako-chan, it’s already been over a year. Don’t you think it’s time to mo-” 

“What are you saying?!” Makoto exclaimed, surely catching the attention of everyone in the cafe, “Are you saying that I should just forget him?! Give up?! Pretend like we never met?!” 

“No, that’s not what I’m saying at all! And, please, keep your voice down! People are starting to look at us weirdly.” Nagisa said, lowering his head closer to the table, “Look, all I’m saying is that sitting here, hoping for someone who’s dead to co-” 

“He’s not dead!” 

“- To come back is pointless and it will only continue to hurt you.” 

“We’re not saying you forget about him or stop loving him.” Rei added, “You just need to move on. What’s done is done, and there’s nothing anyone can do about it.” 

Makoto hung his head, “You guys just don’t understand… You two have each other. Your  one  hasn’t disappeared like mine has. You two have been practically inseparable basically since you’ve met.” 

They both gave him a look of pity. It was true. They’ve never had to go through anything like this like he is. They weren’t as unlucky as he was. 

Nagisa opened his mouth to say something, but Makoto was done listening. He didn’t want to hear it anymore. And so he absent mindedly stared out the large window next to them instead. 

That’s when he saw him, standing there on the other side of the street, staring back at him. He motioned for Makoto to go out there and see him. It made Makoto’s heart race with joy. Haruka really was alive! 

With a clatter, Makoto stood from his seat. 

“What is it now, Mako-chan?” Nagisa asked. 

“He’s there…” Makoto mumbled, unable to move. 

They both turned to see what, or rather, who, he was talking about. As soon as they were distracted, Makoto took off, his feet doing all the thinking for him. Haruka! 

Haruka began running away from him, but Makoto was more than determined to follow him. He  needed  to follow him. There was no way he could not follow him. And no way would he be able to forgive himself if he didn’t catch up. 

Haruka was a lot faster than Makoto imagined he would be. He was barely able to keep a steady distance while in a crowd of that size, let alone catch up. And sure enough, eventually Makoto lost sight of him. 

He moved onto the nearby bridge to get a better look at the crowd. It didn’t help much. 

“Makoto.” The voice came from seemingly nowhere. After all, no one was around and the only other things Makoto could hear was the bustling from the crowd and the trickling water beneath the bridge. 

“Makoto.” There it was again! It was clearly  his  voice, but where was it coming from?! 

“Makoto!” Below? 

Makoto went over to the side of the bridge and peered over. There he was, treading water, waving for Makoto to come down there and join him. 

He smiled, bending over to take off his shoes and socks. Luckily, the ledge wasn’t too high for him to climb up on top. It was cold against his butt, even through his pants,but he didn’t really mind. He let his legs dangle over the edge a little before fully standing up. 

“Makoto!!!” He heard Nagisa’s and Rei’s panicked voices behind him. Apparently they were running after him. Oops. “Makoto, what are you doing?!?! Get down from there before you get hurt!!!” 

Most of the crowd had been moving on, minding their own business. But now they had stopped as well to see what all the commotion was. Makoto felt a bit embarrassed to be the center of attention like this, but at the same time, he didn’t care because it would be worth it in the end anyway. 

He cupped his hands over his mouth to be sure that they’d hear, “I found him, guys! I’m going to swim with Haruka, like we promised each other!” He pointed down at his love, to be sure that they got the point. 

“You’re crazy!” 

“No, don’t do it!” Some of the crowd’s voices joined in with Nagisa and Rei. 

“You can swim, too!” He inched toward the edge, preparing to dive in. 

“Makoto, no!!!” 

His feet left the ledge as he kicked off it and plunged head first into the waters below.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so short, but... Well, I thought that was a 'good' place to end it. >:3   
> I'm kind of nervous that I'm not writing Rei and Nagisa well enough (especially Rei). 
> 
> For those who are wondering what's up with Haru... Well, you'll have to wait and see, I guess. Sorry. I don't want to spoil anything and/or change how you'll perceive something in the near future.   
> I realize Makoto is pretty out of character now, but I had to. Sorry. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!


	3. Admission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto wakes up in the hospital and is delivered some bad news.

Makoto slowly opened his eyes. He felt quite disoriented and his head hurt. He attempted to move, but his muscles felt too heavy

"Mako-chan!" Nagisa, who he didn't even realize was there, exclaimed, "Are you okay?!"

"Hnnn… Head. Hurts." He grumbled.

"Do you remember what happened?" That was Rei's voice. So evidently he was here, too.

"Haruka… I found… Haruka."

There was a pause. "Mako-chan, there was no one there."

Makoto's eye twitched in annoyance. How could they say that? Haruka was right there and they were still denying it?! Makoto felt like lashing out at them, let them know how wrong they were and how cruel of them it was to continue to insist something like that… But all that was in the past and so he knew lashing out would only make it worse.

"Uhm, also, Mako-chan…" Nagisa said after some period of time, "There's something important I have to let you know. We-'

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Rei interjected, "He just woke up. Maybe we should wait to tell him."

So now they're hiding stuff from him? Wonderful.

"Just tell me." Makoto said, trying hard not to sound too irritated, "I'm sure it's fine. I can handle whatever it is."

Nagisa sighed, " Rei and I admitted you to a mental hospital."

Makoto wasn't sure what to say. They did what? But why? There was no reason for that! He wasn't crazy! He knew that for a fact, and surely they didn't actually think he was, either, right?

But evidently they did…

"You really think I'm crazy…" Makoto stated.

"It's not that." Rei said, "We don't think you're crazy. You just need help. Help that we can't give you."

"... When"

"Sometime tomorrow."

"So soon? It's already been decided?"

"We're sorry, Mako-chan, but we had to. You have to go."

"No, it's alright. I get it… I'm sorry for causing so many problems for you guys." Because he knew that's what he did. Here he was spending all his time searching for someone they didn't even know when he had two great people who cared for him right there in front of him. Not to mention he'd snap at them whenever they'd say anything about Haruka. There were just worried about him, and he knew that, but… He couldn't help but reacting in such ways.

"I'm sure it will be fun." Nagisa said, trying to cheer him up.

"Yeah!" Rei joined in, "I sure it won't be that bad."

"You'll get to meet some new people and experience new things. It'll be great!"

"Yeah… Real great." Makoto said sarcastically, "I'm sure I'll just absolutely love it."

"Here is the cafeteria. You will eat here three times a day. Someone will likely escort you here and back each time, unless the doc says you're able to be on your own." A nice looking nurse lady gave Makoto a tour of the hospital where he would be staying for a while. Her black hair was tied up in a bun and red lips moved little as she spoke. "Here is the common area. You'll probably be spending most of your stay here." She waved her arm towards the room, then continued walking down the hallway, not giving Makoto much of a chance to actually get a look at it.

"And here-" She said, opening a door near the end of the hallway, "is your room. If you brought any belongings, some will be delivered here sometime this afternoon. You must be-"

"What do you mean some of my belongings?" Makoto rudely interrupted, "They're mine. Why don't I get to have all of them right now?"

"Because. We need to determine what you can and cannot have. This is a hospital, certain things just aren't allowed." She simply explained.

"Oh. I see." Truth be told, he didn't actually care about this rule, as he did not bring anything with him.

"Your roommate should be here right now. I wonder where he is…"

"Wait. My roommate?"

"Yes. Unless under certain circumstances, a patient must have a roommate. Maybe he's in the common area and I didn't notice him. Anyway, it's almost time for dinner. Go ahead and make yourself comfortable here while you wait." The nurse said, then quickly turned and left.

Makoto sighed. Already he could tell that he was not going to have the best of times here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here is where the story really starts, I guess.
> 
> I do not have any personal experiences of what it's like in a mental hospital so all of my knowledge on them is from research. Therefore, I will apologize now if there is anything wrong with the one in this story.


	4. One-Sided Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto meets his roommate at hospital and starts to form an idea as to why they are there.

Makoto sighed and looked at the room that was now evidently his. There were two beds in the room, separated by a few feet of space and two end tables, a small lamp on top of each. The walls were a soft blue while the floor and bedding was white. It also seemed that whoever his roommate was, he didn't have many belongings. In fact, it seemed all he had was a sketchbook and a… Was that a stuffed porpoise? What even…

Makoto moved to close the door, but found something behind it. Or rather, someone. A boy with his knees pulled up to his chest and tucked under his chin. He had dark brown hair that messily came down just past his ears. He looked somewhat scared to Makoto, with the way that he hugged his legs like that.

Makoto crouched down next to him, put on a reassuring smile, and asked, "Are you alright?"

The boy looked at him, finally showing his face. Makoto's breath caught in his throat. Those were his eyes. No doubt, Makoto could never forget that sea foam green color they held. And it wasn't just his eyes. They had exactly the same face.

"Haruka…" Makoto mumbled, "Is that you?"

The boy pulled in on himself more, his eyebrows knit together, but it was obvious that he was trying to hide the glow in them. Makoto recognized that glow. He had looked the same before, when he first saw Makoto as well. So why did he get it again? That didn't make sense, that's not how this worked in the world. You do not get this eureka moment twice with the same person, or even twice in the same lifetime for that matter. "Who are you?" He asked in a quiet voice.

Oh, how Makoto missed hearing that voice. How he missed watching those lips move, form words, make sounds. It was absolutely wonderful.

"It's me, Makoto Tachibana! Don't you remember? We met on a train about a year ago." Makoto could feel tears forming in his eyes. After so long he was finally close to Haruka, again!

Haruka's gaze dropped to the floor. "I'm sorry. I don't really remember anything before waking up here a while ago."

Oh. He lost his memory. That must be why he had his eureka moment a second time like that.

"Well then." Makoto stood up, and held out his hand. "Hello, my name is Makoto Tachibana. It's nice to meet you, Haruka Nanase."

"Haruka… Nanase?" He cocked his head to the side.

"Yeah! That's your name… Isn't it?" A bad feeling formed in his stomach. Did Haruka really lie to him and give him the wrong name? … But why would he do that? After all, they had their moment before they introduced each other, so…

The boy shrugged. "I don't know. They call me Haruna Manami, but that's a girls name. I think they're lying. So maybe I am Haruka Nanase. But that's a girls name, too... I don't know…" Makoto sighed, feeling relieved. Not that Haruka had forgotten everything, but he didn't even want to think about what it would mean if Haruka did tell him the wrong name.

Finally Haruka took the hand that was extended out to him. His forehead came about eye level for Makoto and his cheeks looked more hollowed out than Makoto remembered. His rather bony hands shook, so he tightly crossed his arms over his chest.

"How long have you been here?" Makoto asked, taking a seat on the bed without the porpoise on it.

Haruka sat on his bed as well. "I'm not sure." He replied, "Maybe about a week? That's all I can remember."

"Why are you here?"

He paused, refusing to look at Makoto. "I don't know. What about you?"

"Why am I here?" Makoto clarified. "Well… Why do you think I'm here?"

"Uhm, I-I don't know…" Haruka stuttered, biting his lower lip, "Are you s-sad?"

"Nope. Well, not really. Try again."

He paused again, unsure what to say. "Are there aliens that are after you, trying to take your skin and use it as their own so that they can do things while pretending to be you?"

Makoto blinked a few times. "W-what? No! Where did you even come up with that?!"

"... I don't know… I just feel like that was a thing once."

Makoto couldn't help but chuckle. Just as he was about to say something, there was a knock on the door.

"Excuse me." A woman with short brown hair poked her head in, "I'm sorry to interrupt, but it's time for dinner, so if you'd just follow me to the cafeteria, please." Silently Haruka stood up, eyes glued to the floor, and headed for the door. Makoto thought he looked scared, and it worried him. He'd have to ask about it later.

Makoto followed Haruka into the growing lunch line. It seemed they were serving some kind of casserole. It didn't look too appetizing, but Makoto got a serving anyway. Haruka grabbed an apple from near the beginning of the line and then immediately turned around without grabbing a tray or drink or anything else. It made Makoto wonder if he wasn't feeling well or something.

After grabbing a carton of milk, Makoto scanned the room for Haruka. He was sitting way in the back. As Makoto approached him, he stiffened up, but relaxed when he saw who it was.

"Are you feeling okay?" Makoto asked, taking a seat across from him.

"Yeah. I'm fine. Why?" Haruka answered.

"Is that really all you're going to eat?"

"Yeah. I'm not really hungry. Please don't make a big deal about it."

Makoto gave him a questioning look as he took his first bite and slowly began to chew, almost looking as if it was painful to do so. "Alright." He said, "Just curio-"

"Excuse me, Manami-kun," The same nurse lady that brought them there came up to the table, "but you need to eat more than just an apple, and I'm sure you know that. So if you'd please get in line and get something more."

Haruka shot her a glare. "Why?"

Her gaze hardened as well, "You know exactly why, Manami. Now go."

They continued to have a staring contest, leaving Makoto to look between the two, until finally Haruka stood up with a huff.

"Fine." He said, spitefully, and then walked away, Makoto watching him go. His hands were shaking, but Makoto wasn't sure if it was from anger or not.

It had been almost 45 minutes. Makoto had long since finished his casserole and was waiting for Haruka to finish his own. The nurse lady never left the table, apparently to make sure that Haruka actually ate his food, as she stated after Haruka angrily asked why she wasn't leaving them alone. At first Makoto was angry with her for doing that, but it made him think. Maybe that's what Haruka was in there for. Maybe he had an eating disorder.

When he was finally finished, the lady escorted them back to the common area and then left to attend to something else.

Finally Makoto was able to get a look at the actual set-up of the place. In the middle of the room was a couch, just a shade or so darker than the walls. It faced a small t.v. that was currently playing some black and white show that Makoto didn't recognize. There were a few tables set up with a few chairs and people playing board games on them.

"Do you want to play something with me?" Haruka asked.

"Sure. What do you have in mind?"

"Life?"

"Alright."

And so they spent the next hour or so playing the game of life. Other patients would randomly join and leave the game, but whatever. Haruka was basically about to win when suddenly a female patient, who was already being loud and disruptive, suddenly threw the monopoly board across the room and began shouting about how everyone but her was a filthy liar and a cheater. Two nurses had to come in to try and calm her down, but that only made her kick and scream even more. Eventually a third and fourth nurse came in and had to sedate her.

It was very frightful to watch. Makoto never thought that people could get so violently upset about just a game of monopoly like that. She was even ready attack everyone in the room, as it seemed, and would have, if it were not for the nurses stopping her.

And then it was finally 10 o'clock and everyone was ushered back into their rooms.

"You don't have any stuff." Haruka stated once he saw that there was nothing waiting on Makoto's bed.

"Yeah. I was in the hospital before I came here, so I didn't have anything with me." Makoto replied, plopping down on his basically empty bed. Haruka sat down on his as well, taking that porpoise thing and setting it down on his lap.

Haruka gave him a worried look, "Why?"

Makoto shrugged, "I wanted to swim with you."

He paused, "With… Me?"

"Yeah! I know you don't remember, but you were swimming and I jumped in so that I could swim with you."

"But… When was this, again?"

Makoto thought for a moment, "I don't know, definitely more than a week or so ago."

Haruka averted his gaze and bit his lip, unsure what to say. "So… Is that why you're here?"

"Basically." He waited a moment, debating on whether or not he should ask this question, or if it was something off limits. "Hey, Haruka? Are you sure you don't know why you're here?"

"I don't. Why?"

"Well… Today at lunch you just seemed like… Scared to eat or something, so-"

"You think I have an eating disorder?" He stated more than asked.

"I-I don't know, maybe?"

"Well, that's my answer as well." He said, standing up.

"Where are you going? I thought we weren't allowed to leave our rooms."

"We're not. I'm just changing into something I can sleep in."

"Oh. You wouldn't happen to have anything I could wear? I mean, since I don't have anything of my own." The idea was rather pleasant to Makoto. After all, don't girlfriends usually wear their boyfriend's clothes and stuff like that?

Haruka paused. "I don't really have much, either. Would you rather sleep in my sweatshirt?"

"No. It's alright. Thanks."

Haruka nodded and pulled of his sweatshirt and then his pants.

Instantly Makoto noticed was just how bony his limbs were. They looked… Unnatural… Almost like a skeleton, just with a bit of meat.

Surprisingly, that was the first thing that Makoto noticed. Then his eyes moved on to something else. He saw red. Many, so many lines of faded red everywhere. Not only were they on his arms and thighs, but his stomach as well. Some short, some long. Some thin and shallow, some thick and deep. Some looked like they were a bit infected even. For a split second Makoto thought maybe they were just scratches, but once he realized how bad some were and how many, he realized that there was no way they were just accidental scratches.

The more he looked, the more he saw some actually formed words. 'IDIOT'. 'FAT'. 'ATTENTION SEEKER'. 'WORTHLESS'. 'FAGGOT'. Makoto wasn't sure what to think of them all. Why would someone, presumably himself, do that to him? Why those words in particular?

Haruka cleared his throat. Makoto shook himself out of his trance. He sighed and sat back down on the bed, now wearing just boxers and a black t-shirt with 'Eine halbe wahrheit ist oft eine große lüge' printed on it. Makoto had no idea what it actually said, but he knew it was German.

An awkward silence grew between them.

Makoto honestly didn't want to ask, but he knew he had to ask, "Where did you get those?"

Haruka tensed, then frowned at him. He stared for a moment before saying, "I don't know…"

"Oh. Right."

"... Apparently I did it myself… Or so they say. I have no way of knowing if that is true or not. For all I know they could have done it to me…" He sighed, "But I don't really believe that, either."

Makoto wasn't sure what to say. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked." he figured would have to do.

"It's okay." Haruka laid down, facing away from Makoto.

Makoto laid down as well.

Maybe there were a few reasons as to why Haruka was there… He hoped that he could talk to him about it soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapter was worth waiting like six weeks for! Really sorry about that, though. Got a bit overwhelmed with school starting up again and my Mother got married last weekend and on top of that I'm sick and just... Yeah, a lots going on. 
> 
> If there is a character you would like to see in this story that isn't already let me know. You can even give me ideas on their part in it or an illness you would like to see, if you'd like. (However, for the characters introduced in the new season I could write them if you really want, but cannot guarantee how well I would be able to write them, not having known them for too long.)
> 
> I'm really curious to hear what you guys have to think of this chapter, so please let me know!


	5. Management

He had found Haruka. Makoto and Haruka had been reunited in an unlikely place. At first Makoto just accepted it, relishing in the fact that they were together again. However, two days later, the reality of it hit him. He felt really happy and giddy. So happy that he actually thought about grabbing Haruka's hand right there in the breakfast line, even though he knew that probably wouldn't go over too well for them.

The whole red lines thing still really bothered Makoto and he had to hold himself back each time he saw them. He wanted to know why Haruka would do that to himself and starve himself like that as well. The thought alone was enough to make Makoto feel sick. He hoped that Haruka would be able to open up to him about it soon so that he could help. He couldn't bear to think that the one he loves-

"Tachibana-kun? Are you listening to me?" A voice interrupted Makoto's thoughts.

Oh. Right. Makoto was in the middle of a therapy session.

"I'm sorry, what were you saying?" Makoto asked, snapping fully out of his trance.

"I said 'hello. It's nice to meet you. I'm Miho Amakata and I will be your therapist during your stay here.' " The lady, 'Amakata', repeated, writing something down on the clipboard that she had. She crossed her legs, her ankles peeking out from beneath her pastel pink pants. "I was wondering how you are feeling today?"

"Okay, I guess." Makoto replied honestly, blushing a little and looking down at the ground.

"Oh? And why is that?" She giggled.

"Nothing much."

"It seemed to me like you're a little too happy for it to be 'nothing much'. Why don't you tell me what's making you happy, Tachibana-kun?"

Makoto thought for a moment. "I'm just happy to be here. Well, not like here, here… I would much rather be someplace other than here, but… At the same time, I'm glad I'm here."

She paused, "Okay, what makes you glad that you're here?"

"Uhm… Well…" I found the love of my life. My the one after searching for him for a whole year. He thought.

"Go on. You can tell me. Everything that is said here stays between us, okay? You don't have to worry about that."

Makoto still hesitated. "I… Lost someone. About a year ago. But here, I found him again."

"Congratulations!" Amakata said, giving him a warm smile that showed off her dimples. She moved some of her hair behind her ear. "So why is it that you want to be somewhere else, Tachibana-kun?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Makoto scoffed, "I don't belong here! I'm not crazy and I'm not suicidal at all! There's just no reason for it."

She frowned, "You jumped off a bridge, Tachibana-kun."

"That doesn't mean anything."

"Obviously it means something to someone, or else you wouldn't be here."

"Well, that person isn't me."

"Then who is it?"

"... Probably my friends."

"Your friends? Why? Why do you think they would take immediate action like this and have you sent here?"

Makoto sighed, "They're been really worried about me lately, I guess."

"Why do you think they're worried about you?"

"I don't know. It doesn't really make sense to me."

"Okay." She said, then taking a minute to write something more down. "So why don't you tell me about your friends, Tachibana-kun? What are they like?"

"Well… Nagisa and Rei have been together for a while. They're like me an Haruka, but luckier, evidently. Nagisa acts kind of child-like most of the time, and has looks to fit the part, so if you don't really know him well, it can be kind of surprising to hear something so… Adult-like come from him. Rei always gets easily flustered by this, but Nagisa always outwardly flirts with him anyway. It's usually pretty amusing for me. Unless Rei doesn't care for whatever it was. Then he'll go on and on about how not beautiful it was."

"I take it the three of you get along well?"

"Huh? Yeah, of course we do. Nagisa and I have been friends ever since we were little and Rei we met a few years ago, too."

"Alright. What about that other person you mentioned? Haruka, was it?"

"Haruka? He's here, in this hospital!"

"Really? Is he the one that you met last year?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, so tell me a little about him. How did you meet?"

"I was on a train to go see my Aunt. We sat next to each other."

"But what happened? If you really like each other, why didn't you try to get in touch?"

Makoto stopped. He didn't want to remember that that accident even happened, let alone talk about it. It was a better topic, now that he had found Haruka again, but that didn't make the images that had been burned into his memory any easier to remember. The bloody hand of the person in the seat next to them, the wretched smell that could make him vomit just by thinking about it, the sticky wetness of the pool of blood, and worst of all, the look in Haruka's eyes as if he were dead.

The event made him realize how quickly things could turn for the worst in the world. One moment he was lovingly gazing into Haruka's beautiful eyes, the next they are on the brink of death.

A few days ago was like that as well. One minute he was simply talking with his two best friends and then the next he is waking up in a hospital because he literally jumped off of a bridge.

"Tachibana-kun?" Amakata interrupted his thought. "Are you feeling okay?"

"I'm sorry." was all Makoto replied with.

"What happened?"

"It's nothing. I just space out a lot, I guess."

"If you say so… But you didn't answer my question. What happened on the train to keep you and Haruka-kun from seeing each other?"

"... I don't really want to talk about it…"

"Fine. How about this one, then. Has he changed from what you remember?"

"Yeah, but I think it's from the memory loss. He doesn't really remember much more than from when he woke up here a week ago."

"Hm. Doesn't your roommate have amnesia as well?"

"Well, yeah, of course. They are the same person after all."

"Do you mean as in split personalities?"

"No. Haruka is Haruka and no one else."

She rapidly scribbled something down on her clipboard. "I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but your roommate's name is Haruna Manami. He isn't Haruka."

Makoto glared at at the woman. How dare she insinuate that he wasn't Haruka! Especially after Makoto had just told her how much Haruka meant to him!

"Can I… go? Please?" Makoto asked, letting his irritation seep into his voice.

She glanced up at the clock on the wall. "We still have about half an hour." They stared at each other, Makoto still glaring. She sighed, "Tell me how you feel right now."

"I'm irritated." Makoto simply replied.

"And why are you irritated?"

"Because. Everyone seems set on pulling me away from Haruka, even you now."

She looked confused, shocked almost, "Tachibana-kun, that is not what I am here for. All I want to do is help you, I promise you that. It's just not healthy for you to-"

"How is it now? That is definitely Haruka out there!"

She closed her eyes for a moment. "Why don't we bring him in here for a moment and see what he has to say on the matter. Is that okay?"

"... Fine." Makoto huffed. He already knew how Haruka felt about this, as he had said so in their very first conversation since a year ago.

Amakata wrote something more on her clipboard, then left the room, telling Makoto to wait there.

At the beginning of the session Makoto didn't mind talking to this Amakata. Now he realized that she was basically like everyone else. No, in fact, she was worse than everyone else. It was one thing to say he was gone when there was no physical evidence of him being there, but to say that when he was right there was a load of bullshit. And the more Makoto thought about it, the more it pissed him off.

He heard the door open and in walked Amakata, Haruka right behind her. She took her seat while Haruka sat down on the sofa next to Makoto. He gave Makoto a worried uneasy look, so Makoto smiled at him reassuringly. Amakata sat in her chair with her little pen and clipboard. She stared at the two for a moment, maybe expecting one of them to say something first. However, Makoto wasn't paying much attention to her and Haruka was probably waiting for an explanation as to why he was brought in in the first place.

She sighed and addressed Haruka, "Your name is Haruna Manami, correct?" It isn't. Makoto mentally answered, holding back a glare.

Haruka shrugged, "Maybe."

"But Tachibana-kun seems to think otherwise. What do you have to say about that?"

Haruka gave Makoto a sideways glance before looking back at Amakata. "I don't know." he replied with another shrug, "I don't remember."

She scribbled something down, then stopped to think for a moment. "How long have you two known each other?"

"We met last year." Makoto cut in, "I told you that already."

"You did, but I need to hear Haruna's side already." Makoto's lip twitched. He really wished she would stop calling him that, already!

"I don't remember." Haruka replied again.

"What do you remember?"

"Nothing past a week ago."

"Okay. And how does all this make you feel?"

He thought for a moment. "I want to believe him."

She froze for a moment, seeming almost surprised that he would rather believe someone who knows him more than other people who don't know him. She wrote something down, much slower than before, then looked up at Makoto. "Thank you for seeing me, Tachibana-kun." She said, "However I would like to speak to Manami-kun alone, if that it alright with you."

Makoto looked at Haruka to see if he was against it or not, kind of hoping that he would be, but saw nothing change in his expression. Makoto nodded, then stood up to leave.

"I'll see you later this week, Tachibana-kun."

"Okay." Makoto grumbled on his way out.

He held himself back from slamming the door closed behind him. When the session first started, Makoto didn't mind talking to that Amakata, but after… He felt like she was just like everyone else, trying to split him and Haruka apart for whatever reason. How dare she insinuate that he was lying to Haruka! In fact, that's probably what she wanted to talk to him about in private. How dare she! It's not like they were causing anyone harm by being together! (Well, except for that train attendant, but all things considered, Makoto didn't feel that bad about it, since he had been with Haruka until now. It was only fair that he was Makoto's now.)

Suddenly Makoto bumped into someone. He gla- looked down and saw a head of gray hair, belonging to a boy who looked to be about his age, or maybe a year or so younger.

"U-uhm, excuse me." The boy said in an almost girlish voice.

"It's fine." Makoto replied. "Hey, are you okay?" The boy's eyes were wide and seemed to dart around a lot.

"I'm okay." The boy replied, "B-but you should t-t-try to c-ca-calm down. They don't allow p-people to b-be so angry here." Did he really seem that angry? And he was trying hard not to show it, too. "J-just. Take deep breaths? That usually he-helps me calm d-down? A-and it's easy! Just in- out-. In- out-."

Deep breaths. Right. Calm down. It's not that big of a deal. Nothing bad can happen if he didn't allow it, right? It was their lives in question. They could be with whoever they wanted to be with. These people couldn't tear Makoto and Haruka apart even if they tried.

But was that really true? Could they not, with the swipe of a pen on paper, say move one of them to a different location if they saw fit? Could they not lead Haruka to believe that he was not in fact Haruka Nanase, but this Haruna Manami instead? Makoto could feel his blood start to boil just thinking about it.

"E-excuse me!" The boy's voice interrupted his thoughts, "P-please calm down." he was biting his lower lip, eyes now trying to fix onto Makoto.

"Right." Makoto said out loud, "Take deep breaths… I'm okay."

The boy sighed, "Thank you." The two began to walk and sat down on a near-by sofa. "U-uhm. I-I-I'm Aiichiro Ni-Nitori." He stumbled to find his words."

"Makoto Tachibana." It was obvious that Nitori was trying to start something of a conversation with him, but Makoto wasn't feeling it at the time, not that he would say so. He was too worried about what that Amakata would be talking to Haruka about in there.

"It's nice to m-meet you, Tachibana-k-kun.

"Yeah. It's nice to meet you."

"D-do you have a roommate? I-I mean, most people here have to have one, b-but maybe you don't."

"I have one."

"Really? Who i-is it? If you d-don't mind me asking."

"Haruka Nanase."

"Haruka? Do you mean Manami-kun?"

"That's not his name." Makoto instantly snapped back, causing Nitori to flinch.

"I-I-I'm s-sorry. That's all I've known him as since I-I met him."

Makoto sighed, trying to push back the anger. "When was that?" He truthfully did want to know. Maybe Nitori would know more about him than he himself did.

"He was here when I g-got here. That was a-about a month ago, I think."

" A month?!" Nitori flinched again.

"Y-yes, I think so. B-but I never really t-talked to him much, so-"

"So you wouldn't know much about him. Got it."

"I-I'm sorry."

"It's okay. Thank you, Nitori-kun." Makoto said before standing up. He wasn't sure where he would, or rather could go, but he just didn't feel like talking at all anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So you know how Makoto calls Haruka his the one? Well, that's not just Makoto saying that because he really loves Haruka. No, it's actually a thing. Basically whenever someone locks eyes with someone that fits them perfectly, someone that they would easily and happily be able to spend every moment of their life with, they get this inexplicable feeling, like the one that Makoto an Haruka got when they met. What is even better is that if they were together in their past lives, they will remember the other person's personality, what they like et cetera. (This is why back in the first chapter, Makoto was sad, because he did not remember anything about Haruka, not even his name, which meant that they had never been together before in a past life.) However, just because someone is perfect for someone else, it doesn't mean that that person would be perfect for them as well. (Like, say for example Makoto could of been perfect for Haru, but it doesn't have to be the other way around. [Though it is pretty rare.] If that makes sense.)
> 
> Furthermore, there can be multiple people that are perfect for each other. However, once someone finds one person who fits them, they cannot find another. So, again, in the first chapter, when that attendant, if you remember him, shows up, he had his (as I like to call them) eureka moment, but Haru had already had his with Makoto. And what's worse for people partly like Rin in this case, may never know if this is what happened or if they were never fit for the other person at all. (With Rin, I will say that he did regain memories with hi and Haru's past lives together, so he does know, but if he were Makoto instead, he would have no idea... Therefore it is safe to assume that in those past lives, Makoto was in the position of assuming that he wasn't fit for Haru.)
> 
> Okay, I think that about covers it? I'm sorry if it's still confusing. Let me know if you would like me to explain better!


	6. Enduring Illusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto has a nightmare about Haruka...

The rules in the hospital were rather simple and easy to follow. Basically listen to the staff, no going anywhere without a staff member, and some places were for staff members only, and just behave in general. They had three meals a day, breakfast at 8 in the morning, lunch at noon, and then dinner at 6. They had to be in their rooms at 10 and then lights out by 11. And that was pretty much it. Simple.

"Haruka? I'm turning the light off." Makoto said as he reached for the lamp on is and Haruka's shared bedside table. The other shot him a very wary look before returning his gaze to the same spot on the ceiling he had been staring at for the past ten minutes. The look caused Makoto to worry, but at the time he was too tired to actually ask about it.

Makoto had only been at the hospital for a few days and already he felt he was getting used to the daily life there. But maybe that was because he had Haruka there with him. Sure, some of Haruka's actions caused him to worry, trying to get away with eating considerably less than he should for example, but he kind of acted as a silent guide at times. Plus, Makoto was becoming friends with the boy who stayed just a few doors down, Aiichiro Nitori.

But despite how easy the days usually were, Makoto still found himself falling asleep quite easily at night.

While tonight was like that, it was definitely no restless sleep.

For some reason, Makoto found himself at a train station. It was dark out and there was only two lamp posts, one at each end of the station, therefore leaving the majority of it dark and hard to see. There were strangers all around him and a train stopped, likely letting people off and on. Makoto looked around, trying to see a sign or something to tell him where he was.

His eyes caught sight on a familiar face inside the train. Immediately he recognized it as Haruka! He searched for a way onto the train, but… There seemed to be no way to enter. Instead he dashed over to the window and waved, trying to get Haruka's attention. But he soon noticed that something was wrong.

No matter how hard he tried, it seemed he could not get Haruka's attention. He just kept staring right past Makoto. Not only that, but his eyes were blue instead of green and appeared clouded up, his hair was black instead of brown, and his skin was quite pale. The sight made Makoto's heart hurt. He even tried to knock on the window, but that wasn't working either.

"Mommy, why is that boy waving to no one?" He heard a loud girl ask her Mother, who simply shushed her.

Haruka looked forward, somehow either not noticing Makoto or choosing to completely ignore him altogether. It gave Makoto a fuzzy feeling in his chest and he wasn't quite sure what it was. People bumped into him, trying to move him out of the way, but he stubbornly tried to stay put. Where did they all come from anyway?

"Haruka!" Makoto called, beginning to feel desperate. The people became more forceful in moving him in the opposite direction. He pushed forward against, them calling "No, stop, please! Haruka, I'm here! Please, notice that I'm right here! Haruka!", but it did no good.

The train's whistle blew and it slowly began to move. The people finally went around Makoto to get across the yellow line of safety. He ran past them toward the train, frantically calling out Haruka's name. He reached out a hand hoping it would magically stop the train, get Haruka's attention, do something.

The train was barely moving and Makoto quickly caught up. He called Haruka's name again, placing his hand on the window while running, and Haruka showed no sign of looking at him.

Makoto was seriously panicking. The train was starting to move faster and his legs couldn't keep up, no matter how hard he tried and pushed himself to move them. "Haruka! For the love of god, please! Look at me! I'm right here! Please, Haruka!" His voice wavered as tears rapidly formed in his eyes. "Please, notice me!"

Suddenly he tripped, all hope leaving him along with the train. He forlornly gazed up, shoulders slumped, and watched the train move on. He thought for a brief moment to reach out again and grab the train, but knew that it would only do him worse. But the thought of it even slightly doing anything was so enticing, he had to literally hold himself back from doing so.

He could still see the window Haruka was sitting next to. Haruka was looking at him! His expression hadn't changed, but he had his hand and nose right up against the glass and was definitely looking at Makoto.

"Haruka!" Makoto shouted, a small smile on his lips.

But… Then Haruka mouthed the words, making Makoto's heart shatter. "Good-bye."

No. There was no way! Absolute fear flooded Makoto's chest as he stumbled to his feet and clumsily began to run again. He ran all the way to the end of the station and leapt right off onto the track behind the train, not caring about how dangerous that may be. He had to catch up! He couldn't just let Haruka get away again like this! There was no way he would be able to forgive himself if that were to happen!

But alas, he was only human, and the train was much faster than he could ever hope to be. The feeling of lonely defeat washed over him entirely as his knees trembled and eventually caved in. And still he worthlessly pleaded, his voice weak and shaky, "Ha-Haruka?"

"Makoto!" He head Haruka call back, but there was no way it was really him.

"H-Haru-ka, I-I love you! Please d-don't leave me al-one again!" But there was emptiness in his words. He wanted nothing more to at least be on that train with his love, but it was rapidly disappearing from sight.

Haruka was gone. Again. And he was all alone.

The whispers surrounding him soon consumed Makoto as he collapsed to the ground. He could only faintly hear someone calling his name, but he did not care. Haruka was gone, didn't even try to stay in the slightest, and that was all that mattered.

But the voices increasingly grew louder to the point of making Makoto jolt forward. Everything was dark around him, completely different from only a few moments before. The only thing he could hear now was heavy breathing. His own heavy breathing, to be exact.

Suddenly something touched his right arm, causing him to jump. Oh. Someone was sitting next to him on the bed, lightly holding his arm and giving him a worried look. Haruka?

"Makoto?" The person said. Relief instantly washed over Makoto at the sound of it. Yes, that must be Haruka's voice.

"Haruka?" Makoto said, his voice hoarse for some reason.

The other paused, "Yeah. I'm here." Slowly Makoto sat up and faced him. "Are you okay?" He asked, "You were crying."

"I'm sorry."

"Do you… Want to talk about it?"

Makoto thought about it for a moment, but then decided that it would be pointless. After all, it was a silly nightmare anyway. Haruka was right there in front of him! He wasn't going anywhere, not that he could even if he wanted to in the first place, considering where they were. So instead he shook his head no and leaned his forehead on Haruka's shoulder. "Just.. Let me stay like this for a moment. Please."

He definitely didn't miss the way Haruka stiffened up when he moved closer, but at least he didn't pull away. In fact, after a moment he relaxed again and even put an arm around Makoto, showing it was alright.

"Hey Haruka?" Makoto whispered after a minute of silence.

"Yes?"

"You won't leave me, will you?"

"I couldn't."

"I mean even after we're out of here."

"I couldn't." Haruka replied again.

"Even if you get out before me. Would you wait for me?"

Haruka thought for a second, "You shouldn't be worrying about that…"

Makoto pulled away so they could see each other's faces. "Will you promise me that when you get out, you'll wait for me? Please?"

"... I promise."

Makoto sighed, a smile spreading across his lips. "Thank you."

Haruka nodded. "... You need to sleep." He moved to get off of the bed, but Makoto reached out and grabbed his shirt. "What?" Makoto didn't say anything not wanting to admit that he didn't want Haruka to go, even though it was only a few feet. Haruka glanced at his own bed and then back at Makoto. "Do you want to sleep with Paopu?"

Makoto blinked. "Pow.. poo?"

"Paopu." Haruka confirmed that that was what he said, making Makoto only more confused. He lifted up the stuffed porpoise and held it out to him.

"Is… That it's name?"

Haruka blinked, pulling the plush back to him and looking at it, seemingly confused as well now. "I don't know."

"But you just called it that. Did you remember something?"

He tilted his head. "No. It just… came out."

Makoto chuckled, "Well, I guess that's still something."

Haruka extended it out to him again. "Do you want him?"

"Hmmm" Makoto tapped his chin, an opportunity popping into his head. He smiled as he reached out to take the porpoise, but instead grabbed Haruka's wrist and pulled him onto the bed with him. "Is this okay?" He asked, laying down next to Haruka.

Haruka shifted uncomfortably, eyes darting around. "Isn't this. a bit… crowded?"

"I don't mind if you don't."

He swallowed, "Okay."

"Thank you." Makoto said, nuzzling into Haruka's chest.

Haruka replied by putting Paopu on the other side of Makoto, leaving his arm there over Makoto's shoulder. "Now you're sandwiched."

Makoto practically snorted in laughter. "You really like that thing, don't you?"

"I don't not like him."

"So that's a yes then."

"I guess so. He's been with me since I can remember, so…"

"Hmm, I wish I had something like that. You're making me jealous."

"Sorry."

Makoto chuckled.

"Hey. Makoto?"

"Yeah?"

"Why are you here?"

"Oh." Makoto frowned. "Didn't we already talk about this?"

Haruka opened his mouth to say something, but paused. "Maybe… I don't remember."

Makoto wasn't entirely sure what to say to that. He could swear they had talked about it before, but… Maybe Haruka forgot already? Plus, after all, he honestly didn't believe that he should be there in the first place. It was Nagisa and Rei that admitted him, not himself. And he knew their reasoning behind it, but it was completely wrong. "I'm not crazy." He said, the playfulness in his voice leaving him.

"Then why are you here?"

"It doesn't matter anymore. You're here and I found you. Once they see that, they'll realize they were wrong." Spite unintentionally filled Makoto's voice, not going unnoticed by Haruka.

"O-okay." Haruka stuttered, "I'm s-sorry, I shouldn't of asked…" He sighed, "You should try to calm down and go to sleep."

It was then that Makoto noticed that he was shaking, his fists tightly clenched, irritated just at the thought of his friends. It made him feel guilty. They were just worried about him and doing what they thought was best for him. He realized that this was also probably scaring Haruka. "Sorry." He apologized, trying to stop himself from shaking.

"... It's fine." Haruka said, petting Makoto's hair to try and help him calm down.

To his surprise, this was actually very soothing, and Makoto soon found himself relaxing again, and even lulling back to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I asked my friends what the porpoise should be named and this is what they gave me, the first one saying it without even thinking of what it would mean (and they spelled it Powpou or something like that)... Then when I explained it to them they thought it was perfect. And so it became Paopu the porpoise...
> 
> Oh, should I explain the name? Sure. (So disregard this if you don't care.) If anyone knows, paopu is the name of the fruit in Kingdom Hearts where evidently if you shared it with someone you like, your destinies will become intertwined. So we thought it was perfect for this story because of the whole moment they have when they meet eyes with someone they're meant to be with thing... (Well at least I thought it was perfect.)
> 
> And here is where I apologize for the lack of updates. This is the first year in... Well, probably ever, where I have cared about school this much. Normally I'm like writing in class instead of doing my homework and that sort of thing instead (and this year I even have a class where I don't really have much I have to do and I have access to the internet!) So to make up for it, I plan on updating once more (maybe even twice) this week and then hopefully getting back on my usual schedule of updating on the weekends.


	7. Change Brings About Panic!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is now the weekend and for some reason Nitori's medication has been changed! How will it effect the anxiety ridden boy?

You would think that after finally falling asleep in such a wonderful position, waking up would have been no problem for Makoto. And that very well may of been had he not of been rudely woken up at seven in the morning by his blankets being pulled off him and someone not very kindly telling him to wake up. Cold air clashed against him and he groaned, curling closer to the figure emitting warmth next to him. He instantly found comfort against the person, the light breaths he could feel on his head soothing him back into sleep. However, it seemed that fate would not allow it as someone continued to talk him out of his slumber, even shaking the person to wake them up as well.

His muscles tensed up and breathing stopped. It startled Makoto, making him in his sleepy state think that something was wrong, and his eyes shot open. He looked up at the person whose chest he had curled up against with worry. Haruka had on a look of discomfort, pained almost, and his fists were tightly clenched.

"Come on, you two." The noisy nurse lady said in an unkind tone, "It's time to wake up." Makoto looked down at her hand on Haruka's shoulder and realized that this was the source of his discomfort. He glared up at the woman and forced her hand away, sending her a don't you dare touch him look.

"It's okay, Haruka." Makoto said in a soothing voice, gently rubbing up and down his arm. He continued to glare at the woman until she finally left.

"M-Makoto?" Haruka mumbled, slightly opening his eyes.

"It's me." Makoto smiled at him, "You're okay. It was just someone waking us up."

"Oh… It's the weekend."

"Do they always wake the patients up early on the weekends?"

"At the crack of dawn, usually."

Makoto chuckled. "Come on, we should get up before they send someone worse in here for us."

"Right." Haruka sighed. Makoto wondered if they would actually do that if someone were to fall back asleep.

The two untangled their legs from each other and slowly sat up. After a moment of rubbing his eyes, Haruka began frantically searching around the bed for something.

"What are you looking for?" Makoto asked.

"Paopu." Was all Haruka replied.

"Pah-what." Haruka stopped to give Makoto an unhappy look. "Oh, the stuffed thing."

"Don't be rude. He's a porpoise not a thing." Haruka returned to his search.

"Sorry, sorry. Maybe it fell on the floor or something."

Haruka gasped, practically diving to the floor. Makoto heard him sigh in relief as he sat up, the porpoise in hand as he brushed off the non-existent dirt. "I'm sorry." He said with a legitimately apologetic face. Seeing it even made Makoto feel a little bad about the thing ending up on the floor, even though he didn't really care about it other than the fact that Haruka did.

"We should get changed." Makoto stated, sliding off of the bed and standing up. Haruka didn't say anything as he set the stuffed porpoise on his bed.

Luckily Makoto had been given clothes that he could change into, provided by the hospital of course. As he let his shirt fall to the ground, he noticed Haruka was staring at him. Rather, at Makoto's stomach. Either way, it was making him feel self-conscious. "What is it?" He asked, pulling the clean shirt closer to him.

"O-oh, uhm…" Haruka stuttered and looked away. "Sorry, I was just… Where did you get that scar?"

"Scar?" Makoto looked down at himself. Right, he has a scar on his right side. When he had his arms down it's mostly hidden, so he usually forgets that it's even there.

"Or is it a tattoo? It looks pretty real though, but I can't tell."

Makoto gave him a questioning look. "Why would I get a tattoo that looks like a scar?"

Haruka shrugged. "Maybe you'd think it looks cool."

Makoto shook his head and smiled. "No. Its real."

Now Haruka gave him a look of concern. "What is it from?"

Makoto knew that it wasn't his fault, but it still stung a bit to remember that Haruka didn't remember when they met. "In the train accident. The one we met on."

Haruka looked down at the ground. "Oh. I'm sorry." Makoto was unsure if he was apologizing for forgetting about it or the fact that it happened in the first place.

 

"A-are you ok-kay?" Nitori quietly asked Makoto as they waited for their names to be called so they could get the medicine they were assigned. "You see-seem sad."

"I'm alright." Makoto sighed. He felt bad for making Nitori worry like this, but he knew that if he were to try and explain the meaning behind his feelings, Nitori would just tell him that Haruka wasn't Haruka again and it would only make him feel angry. And then he would likely yell at Nitori, which would not only get him in trouble, but also make the boy freak out as well.

"Aiichiro Nitori!" they heard a strong male voice call out.

"A-ah! That's me!" Nitori jumped at the sound and scrambled to make his way to the window.

"Makoto Tachibana!" His name was called next.

Makoto sighed and dragged himself to the front of the group in front of him. A man looking like every other non-patient male here handed him a small plastic cup with a few pills in it. He glared down at the cup as he took it. For a brief moment he thought about trying to figure out a way he could get away with not taking them, but he knew by now that that was a waste of time.

"Let's go." The man said, impatiently tapping the next cup on the table, making the pills inside rattle. Makoto mumbled something to himself and quickly threw the pills in his mouth and swallowed. "Open." The man said as if Makoto didn't already know the procedure. He resisted rolling his eyes as he did as he was told. "Clear."

Turning around, Makoto went to find Haruka and Nitori again. However, someone tapped him on the shoulder. It was that girl that freaked out over the monopoly game back when he first arrived. "Watch this." She whispered in his ear as she went up to the window.

Now interested, Makoto watched as she took her cup of pills, swallowed them, and opened her mouth to show the man. "Clear." He said. She turned around, a triumphant look on her face. It confused Makoto. She did the exact same thing that he did, no difference at all. Then again…

She pulled him off to the side. "How did you like that?" She said, raising an eyebrow.

"Like what? You didn't do anything."

"Oh really." She smirked as she put her hand to her mouth. In her hand were her pills! She snickered, shoving them in her pocket before turning off. Makoto watched her go, now feeling quite stupid.

"Tachibana-kun!" He heard Nitori call from behind him.

"What is it?" Makoto asked, his mind more still on the girl.

"They-they changed my pills!" Actually, this sounded kind of urgent.

"They… What? They can do that?"

"Yes, they d-do, b-bu-but… I do-don't know w-why they would ch-change mine! They worked just fine a-and now who-who knows what they'll do!" It was clear as day that this event had driven Nitori's anxiety through the roof. Makoto wondered what they were thinking, doing something like that, and for someone like Nitori of all people. Of course it would have this kind of affect on someone like him. Even he knew that there was no reason to change something if it was working out.

But he knew that that was not the right thing to say at that point in time. Instead he knew it would be best to comfort the boy. "Just take deep breaths. I'm sure it will be fine." He said, flashing a warm smile.

Somehow even just that seemed to calm Nitori, even if just a little. "Thanks, Ta-Tachibana-kun."

"No problem." He replied, now scanning the small crowd for Haruka. It wasn't hard, since Haruka was walking away from the group. But he looked kind of down.

"Manami-k-kun looks sad." Nitori stated as they approached him. It definitely still bothered Makoto that even Nitori refused to call Haruka by his real name, however he knew that if he were to correct Nitori every time he made the mistake, it would likely cause a bad reaction from the boy. "Maybe th-they changed his pills, t-too." Nitori made the speculation, which honestly didn't seem that unlikely.

"They did." Haruka apparently heard them.

"Are you worried?" Makoto asked, concern filling his voice.

Haruka looked at him. "Not really." With his back to the group and the window, Haruka opened his palm to show that he as well was not taking his medication.

"M-Ma-Manami-k-kun!" Nitori leaned in and attempted to whisper, but the alarm in his voice prevented it from actually being quiet, "You-you'll get in t-t-trouble!"

Haruka shrugged, "I don't remember taking them, so I don't trust them. Nothing bad has happened yet, anyway."

Nitori frowned. "How ca-can you s-say that? Sure, no-thing bad has ha-happened, but nothing good has ei-either."

Haruka glared at him, "What are you saying?"

Immediately Nitori shivered and hid behind Makoto. "N-n-n-nothing! I-I-I just think it wo-would be b-b-better if you too-took them p-probably."

"Or they could completely mess with my head and make me go on a murderous rampage."

That made Nitori even more tense. "Yo-you w-w-wouldn't actually d-d-do that, would you?"

"Who knows what I would do. That's why I'm not taking them."

Nitori looked down at the ground, "Oh no. Thi-this is b-b-bad. Wha-what if I do s-something like that?!" He looked up at Makoto, "Wh-what if I h-hu-hurt someone?! That's would be t-t-terrible!"

Makoto turned around to pat him on the back. "I wouldn't worry about it, Nitori. They wouldn't give patients something if they knew it could be dangerous like that."

"B-but-"

"It'll be fine. Haruka is just teasing you." He turned to look at Haruka, "Right?" Haruka answered by looking away. Nitori still looked a bit nervous about the situation, however it seemed he had calmed down a bit.

 

After a while, the three were escorted into the dining room. As per usual, Haruka tried to get away with only grabbing an apple, but once again someone caught him and made him get a proper meal. This time she did not stick around, however.

"Thank god." Haruka sighed as soon as the nurse was out of earshot. Nitori watched him nervously as he opened up his napkin and wrapped up the waffle he had gotten, along with the sausage link, and shoved it into his pants. He then took Makoto's napkin and ripped it in half, taking one half for himself. Makoto gave him a confused look, but didn't say anything.

Nitori, on the other hand, was glancing around frantically. Clearly Haruka's rule breaking was getting to him. Makoto wanted to comfort him, but he wasn't really sure what he could say without lying.

However, they were in luck, because no one got suspicious of what had happened at all. After Haruka simply went to the bathroom and disposed of his unwanted food. Makoto wasn't entirely sure that it was good for him that he got away with it, but… He thought it would be best not to bring it up.

 

Nitori watched sadly as someone with a packed bag passed them.

"What's going on?" Makoto asked curiously.

"He's my r-roommate…" Nitori said quietly, "They're l-letting him go to-today."

"Oh. Well good for him."

Nitori looked away. "Ye-yeah. I'm happy fo-for him."

"You don't sound too happy about it." Haruka put in.

This got a bit of a rise out of Nitori as he tried to defend himself. "N-no! I really am! It's g-great that he's ge-getting out of he-re."

"Are you getting a new roommate?" Makoto asked, trying to change the mood a little.

"N-no, not yet. I p-probably won't for a whi-while."

"They like to leave us alone for a while after someone's roommate leaves like that." It seemed Haruka didn't want to change the mood.

"That's weird. You would think they wouldn't do that since you're not supposed to have a room to yourself."

"O-oh well." Nitori tried to shrug it off, "I-I-I'll be f-fine. It's n-not a b-b-big deal, anyway."

With the way Nitori was acting about it, Makoto had his doubts.

 

It was later that night, around half an hour after they were sent to their rooms, that Makoto heard someone's door open. It wasn't time for them to do their rounds for check ups yet, so… Who could it be? He got up from his bed to go listen through the door, Haruka close behind him. It sounded like someone was crying out there. They were also having a hard time breathing as well. Makoto was about to brush it off as someone having a freak out moment until he heard a nurse call "Nitori-kun? What are you doing out of your room?"

It was Nitori out there? Makoto and Haruka exchanged a worried glance before bursting out of their room. If their friend was in trouble, then they had to help him!

In the middle of the hallway sat Nitori on his knees, facing away from them. He had one hand over his chest and the other over his stomach. Tears stained his cheeks as he desperately tried to breathe. His arms were shaking and skin was covered in sweat. Makoto went and knelt next to him and tried to pat him on the back to help calm him down like he usually did, but Nitori flinched away from him, as if he thought he would hurt him.

"Nitori, it's just me." Makoto said in a hush tone, "It's okay, I'm not going to hurt you."

Nitori slowly turned towards him. His lips were parted as he continued to breathe heavily and eyes were red and puffy. "Ta-... Tachi-..." He tried to speak, but couldn't.

"It's okay. You just need to calm down, nothing here can hurt you."

"Hey!" The nurse down the hallway shouted, "You three need to return to your rooms immediately! You're not allowed to be out here right now!" Her yelling only made Nitori's condition worse.

"Don't pay attention to her, just look at me." Makoto held Nitori's cheek so he couldn't look away, "Just try to breathe. Do you remember what you told me before?" Nitori looked confused. "When we first met. You said to take deep breaths. And it's easy! Just in- out-. In- out-. Remember? Come on, you can do it. I know you can."

"What's going on over there?!" The nurse had gotten closer, "If you don't go back to your rooms, I'll have to put you in restraints!"

"Can't you see he's having a panic attack?" Haruka said accusingly, "Why don't you do something about that!"

"What? But I-... Oh…. Oh no…" The nurse turned right around and went back where she came from. Makoto hoped that meant she was getting someone who could actually help.

Makoto turned back towards Nitori, "Concentrate on breathing. You can get through this, okay?" Nitori shakily nodded. "Good. I believe in you. Let's do it together, come on. Breathe in- breathe out-. Good job." Slowly Nitori was regaining the ability to breathe normally. "You're doing great. Now, what do you need me to do? What will help you feel better?"

Nitori simply shook his head. He reached up and wiped away the tears on his cheek. "Tha-thank you, Tachiba-bana-kun. Manami-kun." He whispered, voice barely audible and hoarse, as he leaned his head on Makoto's shoulder.

"Are you feeling better?" Makoto asked, only lightly patting him on the back in case he wasn't okay with that yet. Nitori nodded.

"What happened" Haruka asked.

There was a pause before Nitori replied, "I-I don't like being a-a-alone… Tonight was m-my first time without a-anyone with me in a-a while…" His voice got quieter, "I-I was so s-scared… I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry." Makoto comforted him further. "I'm glad we were here to help."

Nitori let out a sigh. "Thank you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had trouble writing this chapter, I will admit. My poor Nitori! D: And sorry this wasn't posted when I said I would, but maybe the fact that it's a bit longer will make up for it?
> 
> After reading up a bit, I found that things like this do happen sometimes in mental hospitals, and then I got the idea for this chapter... I'm sorry if there is anything that is incorrect due to my own lack of knowledge. But I'm mainly concerned about the last bit with Nitori and his panic attack, which is what I was referring to when I said I was having trouble with this chapter. I can't help but feel that it's either too much or not enough, but either way wrong. But this is what I got from prior knowledge and research.
> 
> Hope it was enjoyable!


	8. Hide and Stuck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto and Haruka play a game of hide and seek with their fellow patients and fluff ensues.

"Are we really doing this…" Makoto mumbled as he followed Haruka around, the events of the night before sticking as the past.

"They'd get mad if we didn't." Haruka replied, referring to the people who had put them up to this. He was leading Makoto in a direction that they had no idea where it would end up.

"Where are we even going?" Makoto folded his arms over his chest as they walked.

"You'll see when we get there. I win every time I use this spot."

"Probably because it's so far out of the way, no one wants to check here…" Makoto continued to grumble as they headed down some stairs. "Are we even allowed to be down here?"

"Not really. But today is a Sunday so no one will really notice anyway." Considering the staff's performance yesterday, Makoto did not doubt this statement.

"Wait, how would you know that? Are you starting to remember something?" Hope filled Makoto's voice, but at the same time it was more for his own selfish reason. After all, the main reason he wanted Haruka to remember his past was so that he would remember when they had met. Sure, he wanted Haruka to remember simply so that he wouldn't be so confused about himself and be able to answer questions about himself without having to make something up, however it was only a minor reason to him. But at the same time, it didn't really matter to Makoto that much at all, since he was perfectly contempt being with Haruka just like this.

"... No... I just feel like that's how it is..." Haruka replied with a frown.

They entered a room that was very crowded up with random pieces of furniture and other miscellaneous items. The air was stuffy and they had to cover their mouths so that they didn't breath in too much dust. Makoto flipped the light switch by the door, but it didn't seem to be working.

"In here." Haruka said as he crouched down and opened up some kind of cupboard. Makoto gave him a skeptical look. The thing only stretched the length of one of his arms and didn't even come up to his waist. It appeared to be made out of wood and was painted a dark green color. He wondered what they had used it for before leaving it in this storage room they seemed to be in.

"Are you sure even one of us can fit in there?" Makoto asked, crouching down as well and peeking inside.

"I'm almost positive."

" 'Almost' isn't very promising. Won't we get stuck?"

"Hurry up and get in before someone comes. Only one door works, so you'll have to crawl in."

"This is such a bad idea." Makoto said, and yet he climbed inside anyway. Sure enough, it was amazingly cramped in there and he had to sit with his back curled and feet touching the other side. "Haruka, there's no way you'll be able to fit in here as well, I'm telling you."

"There's no time. I think I can hear someone coming." Haruka scrambled to get inside, fumbling over Makoto's leg and practically into his lap. He had his knees on the bottom along with one of his hands and the other on on the wall behind Makoto so that he wasn't leaning against him too much more than he had to be. Not that Makoto really minded, but they were so close together, they could practically feel each other's breath.

"Sorry." Haruka said, although he clearly didn't mean it, "I remember it being bigger."

"... It's fine." Makoto chose to say instead of 'I told you so'.

"I hear footsteps."

The two stayed quiet so they could listen better and also would not be found. The could of footsteps slowly approached them and opened the door to the room they were in.

"Marcooo." The girl's voice called out, sounding closer than Makoto had thought she'd be. He almost chuckled at her silliness, thinking the game they were playing was marco polo and not hide and seek. Then again, maybe she wasn't trying to be silly. Never could be sure about that in this kind of place.

"Uh oh." She muttered as there was a loud noise seemingly right outside the cupboard doors. The girl sighed, "Now I'm going to get in trouble for sure…Or you could just pretend like it never happened" She changed voices as she talked to herself, "Wow, you're right! That's a good idea! … Thank you. Now hurry up and get out of here. I can't breathe." And then she left the area, done with her search already.

"I wonder what that noise was." Makoto whispered.

"Who knows."

After what seemed like an hour of doing absolutely nothing, barely being able to move in that hot and sweaty cupboard, Makoto literally felt like he was going to die. He had asked, eventually even pleaded with Haruka to let him out or at least open the door to let in some air and cool it down a little. He didn't care anymore if it meant they would be found. He just wanted out and that was it. However, no matter what he said, Haruka would not listen to him. Apparently he was just too stubborn, he wanted to win so badly.

"Jesus." Makoto said grumpily, "I'm sweating so much in here, people would think we're up to something. Can't you at least crack it open a little?! Please?"

"No can do. If I did, that would risk us being found out and I will not lose."

"I would win anyway, because they'd see you before they see me."

"That is incorrect. They would see your leg first and therefore see me after they see you, and I will be the winner."

"I don't even care anymore. I swear to god this is the first time that I didn't want to just kiss you." Makoto waited for a witty response… That never came.

Haruka looked completely surprised by this fact. "... You've… Wanted to kiss me before?"

"Didn't you hear me? Of course I've wanted to. I rarely stop wanting to." Makoto laughed at the thought, "We're going to be stuck in here until we die, aren't we" or at least for a long while.

"Don't be silly. They would never let it go on that long."

"Well isn't that good to know…" Makoto grumbled.

"It stinks in here." Haruka commented.

"Probably because it's so damn hot! Just open the door already!"

"I would never."

"If you don't open it right now, I'll kiss you."

Haruka blinked a few times, unsure if that was actually a threat. "You wouldn't."

"You don't think so?"

"No, I don't, because you're already complaining about how hot it is in here."

"I wouldn't call it the sun yet, though."

"Then I guess you're fi-"

Makoto chose that moment to initiate his 'threat'. It started as a soft kiss to show that he was serious. Then it was like something in Makoto switched. He was kissing Haruka deeply and trying to pull him even closer. He tasted tentatively with his tongue, and Haruka opened his mouth with a low moan.

Suddenly Haruka pulled away as if he had been burned. "I'm sorry." He said as he avoided eye contact. Makoto wasn't sure if he was just embarrassed or if he was actually angry.

"Are you going to open the door now?" Makoto asked.

Haruka shifted his legs, making Makoto think that he was going to open it, but then answered "... No." At least the answer wasn't immediate. That meant there still was a chance.

Makoto took Haruka's hand and pulled it down so that all of his weight would be on him. He took him by the chin so that they would be forced to look at each other. "Are you sure you won't?" Makoto asked again.

"I-..." Haruka looked away, "I can't."

Makoto blinked, "What do you mean you can't?"

"It won't open."

"It's stuck?!" Haruka nodded. "We can't get out."

"No. We can't."

"No way."

"Oh well." Haruka shrugged out of Makoto's grasp and looked away again.

"What are we going to do?"

"Eventually die."

"Before that. How are we going to get out of here?"

"I don't know if we can. I think we'll die in here. And then years later when the wood has rotted away they will find our bones."

"No, that's not gonna happen. Maybe we can get someone's attention." Makoto tried to kick the side with the little space he had as he shouted, "Help! Is someone out there?! We're stuck in the damn cabinet!"

Haruka flinched at the loudness. "Even if you shout, no one will hear us. We're not even supposed to be down here, so no one should be around."

"But they'll eventually notice that we're not there, right?"

"... Maybe. Eventually. But we might be dead by then."

"I don't believe that. At least the staff has to when they go to get us for dinner or something, right?" At the mention of dinner, Makoto's stomach growled. He hung his head, "... Maybe we will die from hunger first."

"Probably."

"Can't you force it open or something?"

Haruka listened and pushed against the door as much as he could, given the position that he was in, but it didn't even budge. "No luck." This didn't really surprise Makoto with how scrawny Haruka was now. Haruka yawned and leaned against Makoto again.

"Are you tired?" Makoto asked.

"Mmm." Haruka confirmed.

"You can sleep if you want. I won't mind. I'll wake you up if someone finds us."

"If they do at all that is." He said, closing his eyes and resting his head against Makoto.

Makoto tried to stay as quiet as possible to let Haruka sleep, but he couldn't stop himself from watching the other. The way his face looked from that angle, the rise and fall of his chest, and now being this close he could even see how long Haruka's eyelashes were, and how soft his hair looked as well. Cautiously, trying not to move too much, Makoto reached up and gently rubbed the top of Haruka's head.

"Makoto?" Haruka murmured as he pulled away and looked up at him.

Heat rushed to Makoto's face. "S-sorry."

Haruka didn't reply and continued to stare at him. He yawned again (and Makoto found it kind of cute), and rested against Makoto's chest again. He closed his eyes for only a moment before snapping them back open and slowly looking back up at Makoto.

"What is it?" Makoto asked nervously. He couldn't help but notice that it wasn't his eyes that Haruka was looking at.

"You…" Haruka started slowly, "... You. Kissed me…"

Once it was actually said like that did Makoto fully feel embarrassed for it. Now it was him that couldn't keep eye contact. "Whose fault do you think that was?"

Haruka narrowed his eyes, "You didn't have to do it."

"I told you that I would."

"But you still didn't have to."

"But I did."

"But you did…"

"And?"

"And I-" Haruka stopped there.

Makoto looked at him again to see him looking down. "And what?"

"Nothing. Forget about it."

"No, I won't. And what?" Haruka didn't answer. "Tell me or I'll do it again!"

"You won't."

"Oh really?! I did it the first time even though you said that, didn't I?!"

Haruka pulled away to get a better look at him, "I don't think you'd do it twice. You're so embarrassed already!"

"So?! That doesn't matter!"

"Then do it! Kiss me!"

"Maybe I will!"

"Fi-" Makoto pulled Haruka's head closer to his own and locked their lips together, their noses brushing against each other as they passed. At first Haruka was stiff, but soon he was moving along with Makoto's movements. Makoto lightly swept his tongue over Haruka's lower lip, the other parting his lips in response.

At that moment the door suddenly flew open, a rush of cool air immediately calling Makoto's attention.

"I found them!" A cheerful girl called, "I found them, they were in here!" She quickly ran off to whoever she was calling to.

Makoto and Haruka continued to stare at each other, completely taken back by what just happened. They didn't even hear anyone coming, let alone moving whatever was blocking the door. That could have went a lot worse than it did.

Makoto sighed, quickly calming down. However, it seemed Haruka was having trouble doing the same. He stared forward, at Makoto but not quite, slightly opening and closing his mouth like he was attempting to form words. "Are you okay?" Makoto asked, lightly putting a hand on Haruka's shoulder.

Immediately Haruka stiffened even further, gazing at the hand, before pulling away. His expression didn't change as he struggled to get out of the small space.

"Haruka?" Makoto called worriedly as he followed suit. "Hello? Are you listening to me?" Haruka ignored Makoto as he started walking out of the room and down the hallway, Makoto tailing him closely. "Haruka, come on. Say something! Don't ignore me!"

However that's exactly what Haruka did, even speeding up to get away from him. Makoto tried to keep up, but got the hint. He stopped in his tracks and choose to keep quiet, watching Haruka go. A mess of feelings began to form in his chest: sadness, anger, fear, loneliness. All struggling to reach the top to be let out, but Makoto insisted on forcing them down.

It was nothing. Haruka was just embarrassed and that was it. That had to be it.

At least, that's what Makoto tried to tell himself…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohhh boy, stuff if happening now...
> 
> Now the question is, did I write this chapter like this as an excuse to make a hot and sweaty joke and for them to kiss, to make the poor joke for the chapter title, or did it just happen that way? You will never know.


	9. "Who Are You"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto tries to make up for what unfolded in the crowded, sweaty cabinet, but something more concerning happens.

Makoto scooted next to to Haruka on the couch in the middle of the common area. "Haruka, do you want to play a game with me?" he asked, holding up the SORRY! game box. However, Haruka completely ignored him and continued to draw in his sketchbook. Makoto sighed and dropped his arms.  
This is how things have been between them for the past few hours. No matter how or what Makoto said to Haruka, he was completely ignored. And it was painfully obvious to Makoto that he was doing it because of what had happened before. At first he had thought that it was just because Haruka was embarrassed about it, but to be completely ignoring him like this lead Makoto to believe otherwise. He even went as far as to get up and sit at a completely different table during dinner after Makoto tried to sit across from him like usual.

And so by nighttime Makoto had had enough.

After the nurse lady came to tell them that they had an hour before their lights had to be off, Makoto stood up and went over to Haruka's bed where he was already laying down. "Why are you ignoring me?" He asked, though he already had an idea of the answer.

Haruka stared up at him for a moment before sitting up. "What are you talking about?"

"You've been ignoring me all day! Is it because of what happened before." Haruka's expression didn't change. "Because I… Kissed you."

Haruka's gaze dropped down. "Oh."

"So that is it…" Makoto stated, his voice dropping with sadness.

"No." Haruka's head snapped back up, "No, that's not it…"

"Then why?" Makoto sat down on the bed so they could see eye to eye.

"I…" Haruka tightly clutched his arm and looked the other way. "I don't know."

"I don't believe that." Makoto took him by the shoulders and forced Haruka to look at him. "Please, just… Tell me the reason, for sure, so that I can apologize."

Haruka stared back at him with wide eyes, but made no move to get away. He opened and closed his mouth as if he was debating on whether or not he was going to say it, whatever it really was. He bit down on his lip, seeming to come to a conclusion, and pushed Makoto's hands away. He let his legs down on the opposite side of the bed of Makoto and said, "It… It's not you."

"Then what is it?"

"I don't blame you for it. There is nothing I could blame you for, anyway. I mean… It's not like I didn't… Like it, I just… After I realized that. I feel like I… Forced you to do it…"

Makoto was surprised to hear this. "What do you mean?" What could have lead him to think that? Sure, the reason Makoto did it was because he really wanted to get out of that stupid cupboard, but… He did say that he was constantly thinking about kissing Haruka, so… Why would he think that it was forced, as in bad?

"When we first met you remember how I… No, maybe the first time that I remember us meeting… I… I had my eureka moment. You noticed it, right?"

This puzzled Makoto even more. "Yes, but what does that have to-"

"You didn't have yours then." Haruka interrupted. "And… That may of been because lost my memories, but… I'm not so sure about that anymore…" Makoto could feel himself pulling away. He couldn't believe that now even Haruka himself now was denying who he was. "Mrs. Amakata talked to me and… I've come to realize that I was just being selfish. It's selfish of me to truthfully believe that I have the right to be close with you when I'm just… Me… And you're such a good person, you can do so much better. I'm sure there are plenty of other people you would be better off being with than someone like me… And so I thought that if I distance myself from you like this that you would have to move on and find someone else."

"What are you… Talking about…?" At this point Makoto got up and went around and bent down so Haruka could see him. He was shocked to see that Haruka was… crying.

Haruka put his head in his hands to hide his face. "I'm sorry. I should have just kept my mouth shut. I shouldn't of let this happen. I'm sorry."

Makoto took him by the wrists and pried them apart so he could see his face again. "Don't talk like that." He said sternly. "Isn't it my decision who I like and who I don't. You're not being selfish just because you want to be close with someone. And while I thank you for the compliment, I am no better of a person than you are. It's not like there are any perfect people, everyone has their faults."

"But-"

"No. None of that. I don't want to hear anything negative come out of this mouth of yours."

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay. Because no matter what you say, I like you, Haruka, and there is nothing you can do to change that fact. Do you understand that? I like you."

"But…" He lowered his gaze again. "Why aren't you mad at me?"

"Haruka! I'm not mad at stop that. All you have to do is stop ignoring me. Okay?" Haruka seemed to think for a moment, but then nodded yes. Makoto smiled. "Thank you." He said, pulling Haruka into a hug.

"Can we sleep now?" Haruka asked sheepishly.

Makoto stayed still for a moment before reluctantly pulling away. "Yeah, yeah." He said, his blush invisible in the dark, "I'll let you get to that then."

 

The next morning Makoto expected everything to go back to normal, maybe, if anything, it would just be a bit more awkward with the memory of what happened fresh again. But that isn't what happened… No, right away the next morning Haruka went right back to ignoring Makoto, and it was absolutely crushing. Already by lunch he had had enough of it.

"Are you feeling okay?" Makoto leaned over the table and whispered to Haruka.

Haruka gave him a confused look, but replied, "Yeah, I am feeling fine." Then he went back to picking at his food.

Makoto waited another moment before asking, "Didn't we talk about this last night?"

The answer he got was even more crushing than before.

Haruka's gaze became even more confused as he said, "Who are you?"

Makoto froze, wide eyed and unable to speak. How was he supposed to respond to something like that? Was he joking? He didn't look like he was joking. But it was usually hard to tell what Haruka was thinking, so maybe he was? Makoto cracked a smile and choked out a laugh, which evolved into a legitimate laugh.

"That's a good joke. You almost got me, too!" Makoto said in between laughs. However, they started to die down when he saw the look Haruka was still giving him. "What is it? You were joking… Right?"

Haruka blinked a few times before simply repeating, "Who are you?"

Makoto paled, his shock returning. "Please tell me you're still joking." Haruka sighed, rolling his eyes, and continuing to walk away from him. "Wait, wait, wait, hold on." Makoto caught up with him.

Haruka glared at him. "I don't have time for your games."

"I'm not, I'm not. I promise. I take it you… Lost your memory again?"

Haruka sighed again, "Clearly."

"May I ask, what do you remember?"

Haruka looked around before folding his arms. "Can we… Talk about this later or something." He said while looking away from Makoto, "People are staring at us."

Finally Makoto realized that most of the other people in the room were, as he said, looking at them. In fact, the only ones that weren't were the ones who always seemed off in their own little world, or were too conceited to care about what other people were doing. Makoto looked back to Haruka, who was clearly uncomfortable with this fact. He sighed, "Fine. Would you like to go now or w-"

"We'll talk about it later." Haruka interrupted, "I assume you are my roommate, and that's why you were in my room this morning… Or maybe you're just a creepy stalker." He said with a slight smile as he walked away.

That comment and smirk gave Makoto a splash of hope.

 

"Aren't you going to change?" Haruka asked Makoto when he caught him staring at him again.

"What?" Makoto replied, shaking his head out of the daze that he had fallen into. It took him a moment to realize what Haruka had even said. "Oh, uh, no, I don't have anything to change into. I didn't have anything on me when I came here, so I basically have nothing here as well."

Haruka paused his changing to look at him. "Do you want my sweatshirt?" He asked, the familiar question forcing Makoto to remember how real his memory problem was. It made the the whole 'girlfriends wear their boyfriend's sweatshirts' thing a whole lot less appealing to him the second time.

"No." He replied sadly, "I'm fine." They were silent for only a moment before Makoto started again, "Can we talk now?"

Haruka sighed, sitting down on his bed, "I feel like I don't have a choice."

"What do you remember?"

"I don't know… I just woke up here. I'd say I don't know why, but… Considering these…" He lifted up his shirt revealing the words 'FAT' and 'IDIOT' and 'WORTHLESS' written on his torso, surrounded by other lines in the same 'ink'. Makoto had seen them plenty of times now, but it still made him feel sick to his stomach. "I have yet to be surprised when I see them…" Haruka said sadly, "So I guess they're why I'm here."

Something stuck Makoto as odd. "Why do you say that? How do you know that's the reason? How do you know someone else didn't do that to you?"

Makoto watched the fear creep into Haruka's expression and he knew he shouldn't have said that. "What are you saying?" Haruka asked, his voice now a little shaky.

"N-nothing, it's just… Before you said you weren't sure if you did it or not. You thought maybe someone else did it."

Haruka was silent for a moment. "I… said that?"

Makoto nodded. "But it doesn't matter anymore. What matters is that it won't happen again, right?"

Haruka shrugged, "I don't know. I told you, I don't remember much."

"Okay, well. Do you remember my name?" Haruka pressed his lips together, telling Makoto that he did not. With a sigh he stood up and walked over to a confused looking Haruka and held out his hand and said, "Hello, I'm Makoto Tachibana. It's nice to meet you again, Haruka."

"Haruka?" Another familiar response.

"Haruka Nanase. That's your name."

His gaze dropped, "That's weird. Mrs. Amakata said it was Haruna Manami…"

Makoto immediately felt a pang of irritation just at the mention of that 'therapist'. He attempted (mainly failed) to not let it show in his voice as he said, "She's wrong. She's just trying to pull us apart. You shouldn't listen to a thing she says. I don't."

"Is that why you're here?" Haruka suddenly asked.

"I… I-" Makoto stuttered, speechless. He wasn't sure it Haruka was just genuinely asking or if he was going against him as well… No, of course it was the former. Haruka was the one person who would always be on his side. He smiled faintly and said, "In a sense, I guess so."

"In a sense?"

"People think I'm crazy. But they don't need to even worry about that anymore, because you're here now. Just like you don't need to worry about your cuts anymore. I'm here for you. And together, you and I both can get through this."

Haruka's eyes fluttered about the room. It was clear to Makoto that he was flustered. "I-if you say so."

"How are you with eating?" Now it was Makoto's turn to ask a sudden question.

Instantaneously Haruka tensed up, immediately looking like he was scared or something. "Fine." He replied, but that clearly was not the case.  
"What's wrong?" Makoto asked, his brows knitting together.

"Nothing, it's just…"

"It's not nothing, Haruka." Makoto sat down on the bed next to him, putting his hand over Haruka's. "And there's no way that you could convince me otherwise. I've seen you eat, I sit with you every day. And even today, you seemed like… Like you were scared to eat. And there's always a close watch on you to try and make sure that you don't get away with not eating, not that they're any good at preventing it."

"They're not?" The fear disappeared from Haruka's eyes, being replaced with a bit of hope. Makoto realized that maybe it would have been better to not say something like that.

"Uhm…" He tried to think of something as a cover, "There is one person in particular that isn't, but… I don't think she works here anymore." That was the worst lie he had ever come up with.

"Oh." Haruka sighed. Apparently that somehow worked. He went to say something more, but it came out as a yawn.

There was actually a lot more that Makoto wanted to talk about, but… Well, Haruka was clearly tired, with the way he yawned, and his eyes were starting to close on their own, and it would be rude to hold him back from that. "Alright." Makoto sighed, "Let's sleep on it then."

"Thanks." Haruka yawned again, laying down and pulling the covers over his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there was a little confusion on something and I figured I would clear it up here in case there are others who do not fully understand. Basically Nitori has been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. He shows the symptoms of, general anxiety,  
> difficulty falling asleep, easily being distracted, feeling smothered (particularly when he is having a panic attack), and paranoid behavior. This is why he stutters when he talks and always seems on edge and is the reason that he is in the hospital and what he is being treated for. (At this time they are unsure what the cause of his disorder is, unfortunately). According to research I've done throughout writing this story, there are many different things that can set off a panic attack for someone with GAD, and one of the bigger things is change, especially in regards to something that is always the same. Like change in medication, or a roommate for example. Which is why I wrote chapter 7, where they change Nitori's medication without telling him beforehand (which, from what I have read, is not something they would do in a mental hospital), and so that on top of getting a new roommate and him thinking that he would be all alone at night, is what really set off his panic attack at the end of chapter 7. As his previous roommate would know, all of his anxiety is worse at night, so without someone there to help him cope with it (or anything at all for that matter, considering where they are), it turned into a full on panic attack.
> 
> If there are any further questions about this, or anything else for that matter, please do not hesitate to ask. My answer may not be immediate, but it will come! Now sorry for the super long note!


	10. Strike One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto and Mrs. Amakata have a not so typical meeting. Nitori hides something from Makoto and...

Makoto had been meeting with Mrs. Amakata at least every other day and each time they talked about roughly the same thing. Each time she would try to convince him that Haruka was not Haruka. Each time Makoto would leave in a terrible mood and each time Nitori would have to help him calm down. But this time was different.

"You seem down." Mrs. Amakata stated, "Do you want to talk about what's wrong?"

Okay, so the questions were basically the same as any other time, but the over all feeling in the room was much different than the usual. It seemed more like the first time they had met.

And her statement was true, Makoto did walk in not exactly the best of moods. What had happened with Haruka the day before was really weighing down on his mind. Truth be told, he definitely did not want to talk about it, but he knew that if he didn't, she wouldn't let him leave on time.

"It's Haruka." Makoto said, staring down at the floor.

"Haruna." she corrected him. He held back from correcting her correction, but not from glaring at her. "What happened?" She asked, closing her eyes.

"He lost his memory."

"Tachibana-kun, he has amnesia. You've known that." She said in a tone that made Makoto feel like he was a child.

"I mean again." He said irritably. "He lost his memory again. He didn't know who I was again. I don't know, it just… I can't help but feel like… Crushed, I guess."

"Crushed?" She wrote something down on that damn clipboard of hers.

"Yes. I don't know how else to describe it. It literally feels like my chest is being pressed down on by an invisible weight." He pressed on his chest for emphasis.

"And what do you think would help?"

"I don't know… I guess if I knew that then I would be doing something about it, huh." He said sarcastically.

"Have you considered moving on?"

Makoto was going to answer, but then he realized what she was getting at. She wanted him to move on from Haruka. To forget about him or think of him as something less important. As if something like that wasn't completely absurd, let alone impossible. In response Makoto folded his arms across his chest and huffed, feeling even more agitated now.

"I will take that as a no." She said, writing something down. She glanced up at the clock. "Well, sadly our time is almost up for today." Yeah, I'm real sad about that. Makoto thought.

Makoto stood up and quickly walked towards the door.

"Wait, I'm not done talking." She stopped him. He rolled his eyes and stopped, his hand already on the door knob. "It appears that you have not shown any signs of improvement, so I'm afraid that I will have to adjust your medication." Not that he would be taking it anyway. "You can go now. I'll see you next time, Tachibana-kun."

"Sure." Makoto grumbled before only half attempting not to slam the door behind him.

Hearing the door close, Nitori shot up from his seat and speed walked over to Makoto. "How did it g-g-go?" He asked, his hands fidgeting in front of him in a folded ball.

"Just peachy." Makoto replied sarcastically.

"What ha-happened?" He furrowed his brows.

"The usual. She is changing my medication."

"Wh-what?! Why?" This apparently struck a nerve in Nitori's anxiety. "Wha-what if it d-d-does something wei-weird to you like m-m-mine did?!" And that was it.

Makoto smiled, "Well you know me."

Nitori looked confused for a moment before he nodded. "Oh, r-right. Uhm…" He looked around, clearly nervous at the topic of Makoto's rule breaking.

"Don't worry about it." Makoto said, ruffling his hair.

"Right…"

"So where's Haruka?"

"Oh, he, uh- I don't know."

"Oh… I'm going to go loo-"

"They say I'm g-getting a new roommate!" Nitori suddenly exclaimed, spinning Makoto around to look at him again.

"Really? That's great." Makoto smiled further, knowing that having someone else in the room with him would help Nitori after hours. Luckily he didn't have any more panic attacks after the first one, because the next day they switched his medication back to what he had before. Makoto wondered if they were trying to see if it would work better for him or if it was a stupid mistake.

"Yes. I d-don't know w-who it is, though. Wha-what if they're m-m-mean? What if th-they d-d-don't like m-me?" It was clear that this was something that Nitori had been fretting about for a while, as shown by the way he started fidgeting even more than he already was as he spoke.

"I'm sure it'll be fine. You've not exactly an unlikable person. And I don't think they would put a hostile patient in a room with someone else, and especially not someone like… Well, like you."

Nitori looked up and saw the serious look on Makoto's face, but it didn't seem to be helping all that much. "I-I don't know… They've d-do-done it be-before…"

"Really…? Wow…" Makoto shook his head.

"I-I'm just worried that that will happen-"

Nitori was cut off by the sound of the doors to the cafeteria opening. They both turned to see Haruka being pushed in a wheelchair by a nurse. He had his feet up on the seat and legs pulled tightly to him, his face being hidden in his knees.

"Not again…" Nitori whispered underneath his breath, but Makoto still heard it.

He watched as the nurse pushed Haruka into their room and closed the door behind them.

"What's going on?" Makoto asked, his tone now less calm and collected. Nitori looked at him with worried eyes, but said nothing. "Nitori, if you know something, tell me."

"I-I don't know a-anything." Nitori's eyes looked away. It was obvious that he was lying and it infuriated Makoto. What if something was really wrong with Haruka and Makoto couldn't do anything about it because he didn't know!? And what if something terrible happened because he couldn't do anything about it?

He grabbed Nitori by the shoulders and gripped him tightly, earning a little yelp from the smaller boy. "Nitori." Makoto said through his teeth, "I know that you know something. Now tell me."

Nitori winced, "I-I'm not sure I-I should s-sa-say." Makoto glared down at him and held him tighter, taking a few steps forward. "T-Tachibana-k-kun, you're s-s-scaring m-me!"

Makoto knew exactly what he was doing, but only continued to look fierce, even pushing Nitori up against the wall. "Then tell me!"

"S-s-someone came to vi-visit him." Nitori gave in, squeezing his eyes shut, tears streaming down his cheeks, "It's no-ot the fi-fi-first time he ended up l-like that after seeing a visi-tor."

"What do you mean not the first time? This is the first time he's had a visitor!"

"I-I'm sorry, b-b-but no, it i-isn't."

"Who was it?"

"I-I-I don't know."

"Yes you do!" Makoto violently slammed Nitori back against the wall.

"Hey!" A male nurse suddenly appeared behind Makoto and tried to pry his hands away from Nitori, and for a brief moment Makoto thought about listening, but he needed to know!

His grip tightened even further around Nitori in resistance. "Just tell me!"

Nitori's words came out quick and jumbled, hard to understand. "I'm sorry don't be mad please really don't know it's my fault all my fault I'm scared I'm sorry so please-"

"Can I get some help over here! I've got a violent patient who needs to be subdued!" The nurse shouted, simply trying to pull Makoto and Nitori apart. He was joined by two more nurses who pried him off and held his arms down as a third injected something into his arm.

He started feeling weak, his grip on Nitori finally loosening. Nitori sunk to the floor, covering his face with his hands as the nurses pulled Makoto away from him.

"No!" Makoto exclaimed, trying to struggle against those restraining him. "I have to know, Nitori! If I don't it's your fault! It would be your fault!" His muscles slowly started to not listen to him and his words became slower and began to slur.

He didn't even know why he was angry anymore. It was so stupid of him. Sure, it wasn't exactly a small reason, but the fact that it was aimed entirely at Nitori of all people. The poor thing was probably having a heart attack! Makoto realized this and yet there he was, yelling at his anxiety ridden friend about something he probably couldn't do anything about in the first place. But for some reason Makoto couldn't stop. He just kept yelling and trying to get at him with all his might until he completely went out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I should mention that most of the nurses I have mentioned in this fic have not been too kind, which is a poor portrayal as to how most nurses would actually be. In chapter 7, I purposely wrote them to be that way because, based on what I have read, there have been cases where on the weekends the people who are meant to take care for the patients care less/don't know what they are doing. (Unfortunately I can't seem to find any of the articles I had read before as reference...)
> 
> Anyway, hopefully some things will be answered in the next chapter, but I'm sure this one probably brought on more. So, again, if there is anything you would like to ask, I can probably answer or at least try!


	11. Breaking Point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto is locked up in solitary and things start getting to him...

Makoto woke in an all white room, confused and completely disoriented. He honestly wasn't sure where he was or how he had gotten there. He felt weak and his limbs felt heavy and the room was so blindingly white, it hurt to open his eyes. All a familiar feeling. But familiar from where?

Everything, absolutely everything hurt. His arms, his legs, head, back, and especially his chest. Oh, how his chest ached, almost as if his heart had been ripped right out. … the hand dangling a few inches from his face. That's when he began to piece together where he was..

"H-Haru-ka." Makoto mumbled, trying to look around him.

The train. … That's right, something hit the train and it.. It tipped

His heart raced, it's beating resounding throughout his being, as his breaths came out shorter and shorter.

There was blood, and an only increasing amount of it pooling next to him, all of it coming from his Haruka's head, his black hair lying everywhere in a mess.

No! His hair was brown, dark brown, so dark Makoto got it confused as black. Yeah, tha-that was definitely it!

His eyes… They were open, but... no longer had that glow in them, not even a slight glow. No, they were dull as if all their blue light had left them.

NO! Green! They were definitely green! Haruka has green eyes, not blue! Green just like sea foam, not-... Not ocean blue, so why, WHY did they look that way in his memories!? It was driving Makoto insane!

There was no life in them at all anymore.

Makoto gasped for air and tried to call out Haruka's name again, the horrifying images flashing through his mind once again. He couldn't breathe and if he could he would scream. Something was wrong, really wrong.

He looked down at his hands. They were trembling and god, it suddenly felt so hot! Makoto sat up and ripped off his shirt, flinging it to the other side of the room. He needed to breathe, air, but it seems that his lungs would not let him, and that retched smell wasn't helping. An awfully horrid smell that made him gag and unable to breathe.

A door. There was a door in the corner of the room. If Makoto could just get to it… Maybe he could get help.

Help… That's right, Haruka needed help. He didn't look so good, a-and it already started to feel colder… no longer had that glow.

No! Haruka was fine! He- he was just sad because of that guest, r-right? He wouldn't maybe they were just scratches, but once he realized how bad some were and how many, he realized that there was no way they were just an accident. Maybe Makoto was wrong. Maybe they were just an accident. He wouldn't know. What would it mean, anyway? … some actually formed words. 'IDIOT'. 'FAT'. 'ATTENTION SEEKER'. WORTHLESS'. 'FAGGOT'... Why those words in particular? It's not like they meant anything. ...Why would someone, presumably himself, do that to him? "He wouldn't." He would have no reason to! "You think I have an eating disorder?" "That wasn't true." It was just speculation! "I don't know, maybe?" … trying to get away with eating considerably less than he should… Passing thoughts that meant nothing. "Manami-kun, you need to eat more than just an apple, and I'm sure you know that." "It wasn't just him." Makoto knew it, too. "Manami-kun." "No, his name is Haruka Nanase, not Manami!" "Do you mean as in split personalities?" … "your roommate's name is Haruna Manami. "Haruka! It's Haruka!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did have a lot of fun writing this chapter, not that I was sure about what I was doing... Hopefully you found it enjoyable as well!


	12. Step 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another meeting with Mrs. Amakata brings some well needed insight.

After being released from that hell room, Makoto felt… Different… Empty, almost. And angry. Angry at both the people around him and mainly himself for putting him in there. After all, it was both their fault and his fault.

Immediately he wanted to go and check on Ha-... Haruka… But apparently Mrs. Amakata wanted to meet with him. He stared down at the ground, not daring to look at any of his fellow patients as a blonde female nurse in purple scrubs led him to Mrs. Amakata's office.

Her face was the first face that he legitimately looked at and he couldn't read her at all. He wasn't sure if she was sympathetic or curious or… angry with him… She motioned toward the seat across from her for him to sit. His knees shook as he lowered himself down onto the couch. "Thank you. I'm sure we're fine now." She said, smiling at the nurse who nodded and then left, leaving them in silence. Makoto continued to stare down at the ground.

Mrs. Amakata sighed and set aside her clipboard, "What do you want to talk about?" She said in a soft tone. Truth be told, he didn't want to talk about anything, but he knew that she wouldn't accept that. However, he still chose to say nothing. "Okay, how about this then. Why did you attack Nitori-kun?"

Makoto flinched at the implication behind those words. "... I don't know." He replied, his voice weak and shaky.

"I don't know if I believe that…" She frowned, but softened her tone, clearly sensing how this was affecting him. "He's your friend, isn't he? There has to be some reason that you would do that. Maybe it was even something small? It's okay, you can tell me. Whatever it is, you just need to let it out."

Makoto clenched his jaw. He wasn't even sure what to think, let alone what to say. His feelings were all jumbled up and he had no idea how to set them straight or what they were in the first place.

"Haruna is worried about you." Mrs. Amakata said with a smile, but the mention of that name only made Makoto feel worse. "Nitori-kun, too." She added.

Makoto actually perked up at that. He had thought for sure that Nitori would hate him after he did something like that. So it was relieving to hear otherwise. "That's good to hear." He said with a slight smile.

"Did you think that he wouldn't be worried about you?"

His smile dropped. "Yes." He replied, "I thought he would hate me after I… Did that…"

"Why is that?"

"Be-because… I got so angry for no reason and… I just scared him so much. I thought he would hate me now."

"But he doesn't. I spoke directly to Nitori-kun after the incident and, yes he was certainly shaken up by your actions, but he understands that you didn't mean it." Makoto kept silent. "... He. Is right to think that, yes?"

"I Don't know…" Makoto said quietly, "I… Honestly don't know what I was thinking…"

"May I ask what sparked your anger, then?"

Makoto thought for a moment, debating on if he should say or not. For sure, if this had happened a few days ago, he would not. "Haruka… He came back from visiting someone and he looked hurt and I wanted to know why. I wanted to know who would do that to him and… I insisted that Nitori knew. I thought that if he didn't tell me, I wouldn't be able to help Haruka and then something bad would happen to him because of that and…" Makoto hung his head in his hands, "I knew how scared he was, but I just kept pushing and threatening him!" He sobbed.

"Hey, hey, it's alright." She lightly patted his back, "It's okay. I promise you, he doesn't blame you."

"He should."

She pressed her lips together in thought. "Would you be comfortable in bringing him in here?"

Makoto tensed, "What?"

"I would like to bring Nitori-kun in here to talk, if that's okay with you."

"B-but… What if he really is angry at me? What if he was just saying that he wasn't and actually hates me now?"

"Tachibana-kun, I assure you, that is not the case. Nitori-kun has been here for some time, and I have known him all of that time, and I can tell you that he is not that type of person. Not to mention that he would know better than to keep his feelings from me, as I am his therapist." Makoto stayed silent, unsure what more he could say. "I'll bring him in then." She said, standing and heading out the door.

"It's okay." Makoto stopped her before she could leave, "You don't have to. I would rather talk to him alone… Like just us… If that's okay."

She gave him an odd look. "Okay, if that's what you want." She said, taking her seat again. "May I ask you something?" She said, immediately moving onto the next task.

"What is it?" Makoto was more than a little nervous to find out what it was.

"What did you think about when you were in the white room."

The white room? Yeah, it was white all right. So white that it… Makoto had to hold back from voicing his thoughts. "I don't want to talk about it." Makoto said, looking down at the ground.

Mrs. Amakata sighed, "Normally I might let you off there, but considering your reaction I need to asses that you are not worse off than you were before."

Makoto hesitated, but he was not about to argue with her. "I-I... " But that did not make it any easier, "It made me remember something…"

"And what was it?" She asked, taking out her clipboard again.

Makoto grit his teeth together. "An a-... accident I was in… About a year ago... "

"An accident? Was it bad?"

"... Y-yeah… I-I... had to go to the hospital… S-some people d-died... " Makoto could feel his fingers digging into his arm, but he couldn't stop, not that he wanted to. It hurt, but that was probably the one thing keeping from plunging into another fit like the one yesterday.

"Some people? What kind of accident was this?" She continued to pry further, despite Makoto's obvious discomfort.

"A t-train accident…" He mumbled, pulling into himself even further.

"I think I heard about it on the radio. You were involved?"

"Yes, Haruka was, too…"

"Haruna?" The name tore at Makoto's heart, "Are you sure about that?"

"Yes!" His gaze shot up at her, "Of course he was! I didn't just imagine that!"

"That's not what I meant, Tachibana-kun."

"... Right..."

"How do you feel when you think about it?" She continued to pry.

He thought back to the day before, how the memories flashed painfully before him to remind him what happened. "I'm not sure how to describe it..." He said, dropping his gaze again.

"Can you please attempt to? It's okay, whatever you can tell me, I'm only asking so I can help you."

He squeezed his arm tighter, not caring that it may leave a bruise later. "Panic..." The word suddenly found its way out, "it made me panic. Like I was suffocating."

She paused for a moment. "Do you want to talk about it now? Can you tell me exactly what happened?" Makoto opened his mouth to say something, but he choked on the words instead. "It's okay. You don't have to right now if you don't want to."

Makoto did not miss that 'right now', but maybe later he would be more okay with talking about it. Not now, though. Right now he was already trying hard to hold himself back from freaking out. "Can I go?" His voice came out weak. He hoped it would make her feel bad for him and let him stop for the day."Please?"

She stared at him, likely analyzing his current state. "Alright." She said warmly and giving him a comforting smile, "You did good today, thank you. Now, I think I will have to change your medication again." She passed to let that register. "Considering today's session, I've come to the conclusion that you have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and you should be receiving medication for that. And if you and Haruka met on this train, then that would explain what is happening here. It's a form of coping for you. So I will be adding this to your chart and we will see where to go with this from there."

Makoto perked up at the thought of receiving help. Maybe he would actually have to start taking his pills instead of... Well, not taking the medication, like usual. "Okay." He said, standing up and leaving the room on that note.

"Tachibana-kun!" He heard Nitori call him before he could escape into his room. He reluctantly stopped to let Nitori catch up with him.

Surprisingly, it seemed like what had happened, what Makoto had did to him, was not effecting Nitori. Makoto was almost positive that Nitori would at least be a little afraid of him after that… And yet here he was, smiling and talking to Makoto as if nothing had happened.

"Oh, and guess what!" Nitori suddenly exclaimed rather loudly, forcing Makoto to actually pay attention.

"Wha-what is it?" Makoto faked a smile.

"My new roommate came!"

"Really?" At least it was legitimately good news.

"Yeah! A-and he's actually pretty n-ni-nice, too! We're already f-friends." Nitori's smile brightened even further, making Makoto feel bad that he wasn't sharing that feeling. Sure, he was happy for Nitori, but… He just wasn't feeling well in general.

"That's good." He said, having to try real hard to maintain his smile.

And yet Nitori saw through it. "Is something wrong, Tachibana-kun? You don't look so good…"

Makoto's lip quivered a bit. "No, it's alright." He lied. Nitori continued to give him a worried look. "W-where's Haruka?" Makoto asked with a smile, like he usually would, to try and make the feeling in the air change.

"I-I'm not really sure." Nitori said, looking around the room for emphasis.

"Oh… Well, where is this new roommate of yours?"  
"Ma-Ma-Matsuoka-senpai?" Nitori perked up at the mention of him. "I thi-think he has a v-v-visitor right n-now. Why? D-did you want to m-m-meet him?" Makoto did notice the fact that Nitori called this person senpai, but he decided not to question it. It's not like it really mattered, anyway.

"Yeah, of course. I mean he's your friend now, isn't he?" Nitori nodded slightly. "Then I think I should meet him. After all, it seems I may be in here for a while, so might as well get to know the neighbors, right?"

Nitori smiled at that and Makoto couldn't help but truthfully smile back. What Mrs. Amakata had said was true, Nitori really wasn't afraid of him. It was almost as if nothing had even happened at all!

"Ah! There h-he is!" Nitori said at the same time as the big double doors opened, "M-Ma-Matsuoka-senpai!" He waved.

Makoto turned to greet this friend of a friend, his smile dropped as soon as he saw the person Nitori was waving to. Makoto wasn't entirely sure why, but he felt like he had seen this person before… But something was different. His hair was long (for a boy), and sort of a beet red looking color… But what was even more noticeable was the fact that he was missing half of his right arm.

"Didn't I tell you not to call me that?" Matsuoka said, lowering his tone and rolling his eyes, "I'm not your senpai."

"Ye-yeah, b-b-but… I can't help-p it" Nitori pouted.

Finally Matsuoka noticed Makoto standing there. "Hey 's this?" He said, pointing at Makoto with his left hand.

"This is m-my friend Ta-Tachibana-kun." Nitori said with a smile, "Tachibana-kun, this is my new roommate, Matsuoka-senpai."

"It's nice to meet you." Makoto said politely.

"Hey, don't I know you from somewhere? I feel like I've seen you before." That certainly made it obvious that they had met before. But Makoto was sure he had never met someone who… Well, didn't have all of their limbs…

Suddenly a realization hit Makoto, and Matsuoka seemed to realize it as well as they both shouted simultaneously "You were on that train!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this chapter was MEANT to be posted like two weeks ago, but I apparently only saved it as a draft, so I am terribly sorry about that. Does posting two chapters at once make up for it?


	13. Re: Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin is angry and brings up the the events on that train, causing Makoto to take the brunt of his attacks and do a bit of reflecting.

Who would have guessed that the person who was admitted to the hospital as Nitori's new roommate would be someone that Makoto had met on that train a year ago. It was as if coming to this place was fate.

"That's where you're from! You were the one sitting next to Haru!" Matsuoka exclaimed, slowly starting not to look so happy.

"Haru? You mean Haruka?" Makoto was unfamiliar with the nickname. Was that something from their past lives that he didn't know about? A very not-so-friendly reminder that Makoto did not recover any memories of him and Haruka together. It would be very likely that Matsuoka was the one who Haruka was within the past, which would explain where the nickname came from… Unless they had gotten to know each other in the year that Haruka and Makoto were apart. Not that that was a problem anymore.

"Yes, Haruka." Matsuoka's expression changed again to one more somber.

There was a sound of another door opening behind them. Makoto spun around and saw Haruka just leaving their room. "Speak of the devil and so he shall appear." Makoto said as Haruka approached them.

"You're out." Haruka stated, referring to Makoto.

Makoto's smile dropped at the memory. "Yeah… Just finished talking to Mrs. Amakata, too."

"What'd she have to say this time?"

"Apparently I have PTSD and am pretending you're you when you're not as some form of coping method or something like that."

Haruka blinked a few times. "Wait, what?"

"Basically she is changing my medication."

Haruka smiled knowingly, "Not that it really matters with you."

"Actually, I may take this…" he could see Nitori perk up a little at that.

His expression returned to normal. "Why? What if it makes you go insane? Well, more insane."

"I'm not crazy."

"What if it makes you start floating or makes you think that you're surrounded by psychotic clowns trying to steal the clothes off your back or that you're actually a whale out of water and can't breathe or you start speaking in tongues or you eyes pop out of your head or-"

"I'm sure none of that will happen." Makoto interrupted Haruka's incomprehensible babbling. "But… After that experience last night…" He suddenly felt nervous to talk about this and took half a step back and hung his head, tightly clutching , "Well… I can't exactly say that I don't need help anymore…"

"Did so-something happen?" Nitori piped in.

Makoto wasn't entirely sure how to answer that. He didn't want to tell them exactly what happened, but at the same time, he didn't want to lie to them. "Yeah, something…" He said quietly, "But I think I'll be fine."

They were all silent until Matsuoka spoke up, "Hey, Nitori-kun, can I ask you something?"

"Wh-what is it?"

"Over here for a second." Matsuoka took Nitori by the shoulder and lead him away so that Makoto and Haruka couldn't hear what they were talking about. It made Makoto a little nervous, so he watched them the entire time, trying to read their lips so he could figure it out, but they had turned their backs towards them so it was impossible.

After Nitori said something back to Matsuoka, the redhead seemed to instantly become furious as he glared over at Makoto and clearly said the words 'are you serious'. He started to move back towards Makoto and Haruka, but Nitori stepped in front of him, putting his hands on Matsuoka's chest to hold him back.

Just what did he even ask? And what did Nitori say to make him so angry like that? Either way, Makoto did not want to find out. At least not when he was so clearly angry like that. he didn't want to risk getting put back in that hell room again because he was involved in another fight… Not that the first one was a legitimate fight in the first place, considering how one sided it was…

"Hey, let's go." Makoto said to Haruka, turning to head towards their room. Haruka was obviously confused, but did not question it and followed.

"Don't you run from me you asshole!"

Makoto looked back just as Matsuoka pushed Nitori out of his way and charged towards them. Panicked, Makoto tried to hurry and get in and close the door, but Matsuoka was already there, shoving his way in. He got even more worried, scared even, when Matsuoka closed the door and pulled a chair underneath the handle.

"Listen, I don't want get involved in anything like this with you." Makoto said, taking a few steps back.

"You don't get a say." Matsuoka practically growled as he continued to step closer to Makoto. "What the fuck is wrong with you?! How dare you do this to him?!"

Makoto looked down at him as Matsuoka got right in his face, shouting and shoving his finger into Makoto's chest. "What are you talking about?" Makoto asked in a quiet voice, hoping that maybe that would make Matsuoka calm down, or at least back off of him.

But it did no such thing. In fact, it only made Matsuoka even more angry at him. "Are you fucking kidding me?!" He shouted even louder, almost completely masking the sound of someone trying to get the door open.

"You need to calm down." Haruka tried to get between them, but only succeeded in getting pushed to the floor.

"You dickless piece of horse shit, how dare you just replace him like this?! How dare you do something like that! He's fucking dead and you just replace him?!"

Haruka was up again and trying to pry Matsuoka's hands away from Makoto, but he wasn't strong enough. "You're going to get sedated." Haruka warned him.

Matsuoka's eyes were crazed, almost murderous, even. "I ought to wring your neck, you ungrateful bastard!" As he said this, his hands trailed up and around Makoto's neck. "You should be happy you even got that amount of time with him! I didn't get anything! Nothing! I spoke to him one time! And here you are, pretending like someone else is him when he is dead!"

"No!" Makoto finally tried to shout back, clawing at his hands for air, "Don't say that! He's not dead!"

"Yes, he is!" Matsuoka grit his teeth together.

By this time Haruka was up and had pulled the chair out from the way of the door to let in the nurses who had apparently been trying to get it open. Suddenly this all seemed rather familiar to Makoto, only his position was switched. At that moment, yes, he was afraid of Matsuoka, he was having a hard time breathing and he was saying things that certainly were not helping his mental state, but at the same time, he wasn't exactly mad at Matsuoka, either. He understood that the reason he was doing this was because he also loved Haruka. Maybe in his mind Haruka was actually dead so that he didn't have to think about Haruka being with someone else other than him.

And so as the nurses pulled the two apart, Makoto being able to breathe again and Matsuoka fighting against the nurses as they injected him with the same stuff that they had injected Makoto with just a day or so ago, Makoto forgave him. After all, this experience had shown Makoto how Nitori had felt for the most part when he had done the same. Then once the nurses had left, in walked a timid little Nitori, who was clearly worked up over the whole situation, which was understandable considering even Haruka seemed worked up.

"A-a-are you o-okay?" Nitori asked, looking up at Makoto.

"I… think I'm okay." Makoto huffed.

"He didn't hu-hurt you, d-did he?" Apparently Nitori didn't see that Matsuoka was literally strangling him.

"No. He didn't." Haruka gave him a knowing look, but chose not to say anything. Probably for Nitori's sake. It certainly wouldn't do him any good to know that his roommate had the potential to be violent like that. Although it usually would be best for him to know so that he could do something about it, Makoto didn't think that Matsuoka would have done that if he weren't provoked. In other circumstances he was sure Matsuoka would be fine. In fact, he was pretty sure that Matsuoka would be even better when around Nitori, assuming that he understood the type of person Nitori is.

"That's good." Nitori sighed, visibly becoming less tense, "I was s-so worried that he would h-hu-hurt you."

"Nope." Makoto smiled reassuringly, "I'm alright. Not a scratch on me."

"I'm so g-gl-glad."

"Hey!" a nurse exclaimed as she peeked her head in the door, "It's lunch time, let's go."

"Wonderful." Haruka groaned as the three obediently followed the nurse to the cafeteria.

 

"I-I-I can talk to Ma-Matsuoka-senpai." Nitori piped up over the extra quiet (even in comparison to usual) lunch.

"About what?" Makoto asked, taking a drink of his milk as he watched Haruka poke abently-mindedly at his jello and smile at the way it wiggled

Nitori shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "A-about ea-earlier… You know…"

"Oh. You don't have to if you don't want to." Makoto started eating again.

"Ye-yeah, but I f-f-feel like it's m-my fault! I-I mean, he wouldn't have d-d-done that if I ha-hadn't said anything!"

"It's okay. Besides, he might have gotten angry at you if you didn't answer him."

"Matsuoka-senpai wouldn't do that!" Ooops. It seemed like there was something that could anger Nitori.

"Sorry. I don't exactly know him, so I wouldn't know."

Nitori looked down at his food and said in his usual tone, "Matsuoka-senpai is a g-good person. I kn-know he is."

"Oh? But didn't you just meet him?" Makoto asked, even though he pretty much knew the reason why, he just wanted Nitori to say it himself, just to be sure.

"U-uhm… Well, we… were t-t-together before. I-In the pa-st."

"Do you mean you recovered your memories?"

Nitori frowned, "S-sort of… N-not m-many, though…"

Right, of course. As it seemed, Matsuoka had been with mainly Haruka in the past, so of course Nitori wouldn't have many memories, if any at all. Like Makoto. He didn't recover any memories of Haruka. He felt unbelievably bad for Nitori, but at least he had better luck in the past than Makoto did.

"Wha-what about you t-two?" Nitori turned the tables, "D-d-did you just re-member everything?"

Makoto frowned, "No. We didn't, because-"

"I did." Haruka suddenly cut in.

Makoto froze. But that wouldn't make sense. How would Haruka remember anything that he didn't? That's not how this was supposed to work unless… Unless in a case like Nitori's. But this was not a case like that. No, they were just like any other, they had to be!

But Makoto thought back to what Matsuoka was saying. About Haruka really being dead…

No no no, it was definitely just how he is coping with it, that has to be it. How could Haruka be dead when he was sitting right there, breathing and everything. Sure, he didn't exactly look as lively as he did before, but he was definitely alive! Unless everyone was crazy and they were all just imagining him. Maybe that was it. It certainly made more sense than him being dead at least.

But then that wouldn't explain why Haruka was saying that he remembered anything. The more Makoto thought about it, the worse he started to feel. So he decided not to think about it.

Later that night, a little after they had been sent to their rooms for the evening, Makoto noticed that something seemed a little off with Haruka… Well, as in more off than usual. He kept giving Makoto these worried looks, but he didn't say anything about what was troubling him.

"Is something wrong?" Makoto finally asked once they were alone.

"No." Haruka hesitated to answer in a way that made it obvious to Makoto that it was a lie, "Why do you ask?"

"Because all day you've looked like something was worrying you and that has been worrying me…"

"Oh. Well." Haruka stood from his place on his bed and walked over to Makoto and gripped the top of Makoto's shirt, making him blush immensely. Then he unbuttoned the three buttons there and peeled them back.

"Ha-Haruka, what are you doing?" Makoto stuttered, his face getting redder and redder by the second.

"I knew it." Haruka whispered, lightly brushing his fingers over Makoto's neck and collar bones.

"Knew what?" Makoto gulped.

"You are hurt."

"What?"

Haruka glared up at him. "You have bruises forming on your neck from that guy! And yet you told Nitori that he didn't hurt you! I thought about saying something, because I saw how violent he was acting with you, but I decided not to."

"And why did you decide not to?"

"Because Nitori was there."

"Exactly."

"But you could have at least said something to me."

"I'm not seriously hurt, so I didn't think that it really mattered."

"Of course it does!" Haruka said louder and narrowing his eyes, "Of course it matters that you were hurt! He was strangling you! What if I hadn't of been there? I'm not strong, I know, he pushed me away without even trying, but what if I hadn't of let the nurses in?" Makoto fully realised how serious this was to him when tears started to form in his eyes. He wasn't sure if it was because he was angry or actually sad. "I know you wouldn't have fought back, because now you're too afraid. I can see it! He could have killed you!"

"I really doubt that he would have gone that far."

"Really? Did you not see the way he was looking at you? Because it looked like there was nothing more he wanted to do but get rid of you." Makoto wasn't sure what to say to that. Haruka bit his lip and looked down. Makoto barely even noticed before, but Haruka had gotten up on his toes as he spoke. Did he always do that or was it just for times likes this?

"Sorry." Haruka said, much quieter than before, seeming to realize how loud and angry he was acting, "I shouldn't yell at you, but… I can't help it, okay? When you go and let something like this happen, it… It really worries me and I don't know what I'd do if something terrible did happen to you."

Makoto chuckled and wrapped his arms comfortingly around Haruka's shoulders. "It's okay. I'm sorry I didn't notice how you felt sooner."

Haruka sighed and rested his head on Makoto's shoulder. "Just don't do that to me ever again. Got it?"

"Gotcha."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish I was better at writing action scenes. And this wasn't even that action packed either. What's even worse is that I, not being an aggressive person, spent like an hour trying to think of an insult for Rin to call Makoto, just to come up with that... But that's what practicing is for, I guess.
> 
> The next chapter should be about twice as long as the usual, so you can look forward to that.


	14. Nailed It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nagisa and Rei come for a visit and Makoto forces Haruka to meet them, despite being unsure if it's really a good idea or not.

Matsuoka was let out the next day right before lunch. He and Nitori sat at a separate table and talked about who knows what. Makoto assumed that it was about what happened the day before, but Haruka wouldn't let down the idea that they were actually talking about their plan to take over the hospital with their army of brain dead patients and mice that they hypnotized to do all their bidding. But Makoto knew that was a silly idea, because neither of them would make a good leader.

Finally when lunch was almost over, the two walked over to the table where Makoto and Haruka were sitting at and sat down. Matsuoka seemed rather awkward as he sat there, across from Makoto and next to Nitori, staring down at the table with his hands in his lap. Nitori nudged him, as if he was supposed to say something, but he barely even blinked.

"Matsuoka-senpai-." Nitori said quietly in a whining tone, "What did we just talk about?" There was a pause before Matsuoka said something under his breath that none of them could hear at all. "You have to say it louder or he can't hear you."

Matsuoka sighed, "I said that… I'm sorry for yesterday. I didn't understand the situation you're in and I shouldn't have acted that way towards you."

It took Makoto a moment to process what he was talking about and that he was actually apologizing for it. "I forgive you." Makoto replied. Then after a moment of silence he added, "Wow, Nitori, you've really got him whipped into shape pretty quickly, huh?"

Instantaneously Nitori's face became as red as a tomato. "Ta-Tachibana-kun!" He shouted, "What are you saying?! I'm not- I haven't- we didn't- I don't-!" He gave up trying to speak and practically smashed his forehead down on the table.

The whole group, Matsuoka included, couldn't help but laugh.

 

Not too long after lunch, it was time for visiting. This time apparently someone was there for Makoto! After he calmed down from the surprise he was lead to the dining hall where he was met by two familiar faces.

"Mako-chan!" A loud, shrill voice exclaimed, and Makoto could barely register who it was before he was practically tackled to the ground as the person hugged him. "We missed you so much!"

"Nagisa! It's nice to see you, too." Makoto replied, returning his friend's hug.

"It's been so long! How have you been?!" Nagisa pulled back to let Makoto sit down.

"Nagisa, please keep it down." Rei said, looking around, "The nurses are giving us very annoyed looks."

Makoto sneered, "Maybe they're just keeping an eye on me in case I, you know, go crazy or something and attack."

"What!?" Nagisa exclaimed, "Why would they think you'd do that? Does that really happen here?"

"Uh… Well." Makoto looked down, regretting making the joke in the first place.

"Oh my god, has someone attacked you? Did they have to, like, sedate him and everything?"

"Why would they be watching me if I was the one that was attacked?" Not that that didn't happen, as well…

"I guess that's true… But then I don't see why they would be watching you, then."

"And they obviously are, because they're still looking at us." Rei pointed out, making Makoto think that maybe they actually were watching them to make sure that he didn't go crazy.

"Yeah, I don't get it. Do you get it, Mako-chan?"

"Can we just… Move on to something else?" Makoto said, a bad feeling burrowing into his stomach, "Please?"

"Oh… Alright."

"So what have you been doing here?" Rei asked.

Makoto thought for a moment, "Nothing much, really. It would probably be pretty boring, but I've made some friends."

"That's good!" Nagisa exclaimed, "Who are they? Tell us about them!"

"Well, there's Nitori. He's generally all worked up about something he doesn't need to be. But it's okay, because it's not like he can help it anyway. He just got a new roommate recently, Matsuoka. I'm kind of worried about him, but… Well, he seems fine around Nitori at least and that's all I really care about. He's always worried about me and Haruka, too, so I should be looking out for him as well."

Makoto definitely did not miss that look that Nagisa and Rei exchanged at the mention of Haruka. After all, to them he was the reason that Makoto was here in the first place. And that may or may not of been entirely false, Makoto could now admit that. It did seem unlikely that Haruka was somewhere around him at all times, especially there at that time. It had to be part of Makoto's P.T.S.D. Yeah, that would make sense, right? He just couldn't accept the fact that he wasn't with Haruka at the time and therefore was hallucinating him everywhere… Or... something like that.

"Oh, I never mentioned!" Makoto began with a smile, "Haruka is here, guys! He's my roommate!"

Clear concern appeared on both of their faces as Nagisa was the one to speak in a quieter tone than usual, "Mako-chan… Are you sure about that?"

"Of course! Do you want to meet him?"

"Uhm…" Rei spoke up, "I'm not sure if we really should… I-I mean, what if he doesn't like us or something?"

"I'm sure he will. Let me go get him!" Makoto stood up quickly and started heading for the door back to the common area. A nurse called from behind him, but he didn't pay any heed, it's not like he was doing anything wrong necessarily. Multiple people could have the same visitors at one time, he'd seen others do it plenty of times.

He looked around the room of people staring at him and looking rather shocked until he saw both Nitori and Haruka. He made his way over to them, not even trying to hide how cheerful he was feeling.

"Haruka!" He exclaimed, grabbing Haruka's wrist and pulling him to his feet with little resistance, "Come here! There's someone I want you to meet!" Haruka was coming along just fine until he heard that. Then he immediately froze and stopped in his tracks. "What's wrong?" Makoto asked, turning around.

Haruka had a look of absolute terror. "I-... I don't know… I just…" He looked down at the ground and pulled his wrist from Makoto and securely wrapped his arms around himself. "I don't know…"

Makoto stepped towards him. "It's okay." He said with a smile, "They're my friends. They won't hurt you or anything. It's just that I've talked about you so much that they want to finally meet you in person."

Haruka looked back up at him. "You talk about me?"

"Yeah." Makoto chuckled, "Why? Would you not want me to?"

Haruka shifted his weight, seemingly uncomfortable with the idea. "I don't know… You could be talking bad about me or… Telling them I have a dolphin tail or something."

Makoto was silent, trying to hold in a bit of laughter, before putting his arm around Haruka and leading him towards the door again. "You don't have to worry about that. I would never talk badly about you. Or say that you have a dolphin tail. Not that I would mind anyway."

"Really?" Haruka gave him an odd look, "That's weird. are you into fish or something?"

"No. It just wouldn't matter if it were you."

Haruka went to say something more, but all he got out was, "You're weird." before he had to turn away in a poor attempt to hide the blush that had rapidly appeared on his face.

Makoto led them through the doors where it seemed like Nagisa and Rei were not waiting very patiently as they seemed to be having a very heated conversation. It made Makoto a little worried, but he chose not to act on it.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Haruka hid behind him slightly.

"You'll be fine." Makoto said encouragingly.

"They seem angry. Maybe I should just go."

"Don't worry about it."

"But what if they are expecting me to have a dolphin tail! I don't have a dolphin tail! They'll be so disappointed."

"Hey, we're back!" Makoto exclaimed as they approached the table just as the two quieted down their conversation. They turned and faced forward as Makoto sat down across from them. Haruka hesitated, debating on whether he wanted to run away or not. Luckily he decided on the later.

Rei and Nagisa waited patiently for Makoto to say something.

"Well, here he is. This is Haruka, guys."

The two exchanged one long look before finally smiling.

"It's nice to meet you, Haruka-san." Rei said, reaching out his hand to shake. Haruka stared at it, his facial expression the same as before, like he wasn't entirely sure that he could trust Rei or not. However, after a moment, he shakily took Rei's hand.

"It's… Nice to... meet you…" He replied in a hushed voice.

"Mako-chan talks about you a lot, Haruka." Nagisa said in his usual tone.

It made Makoto happy. He couldn't help but think that they would treat him like… Well, like he wasn't who he really is. And Makoto wasn't sure what he would do if they did that…

"You were expecting a dolphin tail, weren't you?" Haruka said, hanging his head.

Even Nagisa looked surprised by this. "Wha-what? N-no, not at all! Why would you think that?"

Haruka shrugged, "I don't know. Maybe it's your biggest dream to meet some half human, half dolphin."

Nagisa cracked a smile, "No, but that would be really cool."

Haruka seemed to think about that for a moment. "Yeah, you're right. It would."

"What about a flying penguin?"

"Like with wings?"

"Well. Yeah, instead of flippers."

"A penguin without flippers? I was thinking they would take on a new evolution like a caterpillar and grow butterfly wings or something."

"But that seems more like a mythical creature."

"So is a humanoid dolphin."

"No one said humanoid dolphins are possible things."

"I thought you did."

"No, I said it would be cool if they were real, not that they could be."

"Are you saying that a penguin with butterfly wings wouldn't be cool? That's mean."

"Butterfly wings wouldn't even be able to take the harsh weather anyway. Right, Rei-chan?" Nagisa turned to Rei.

"No, I don't think so. They're way too flimsy for that." Rei replied, pushing up his red glasses.

"Who says that they would have to stay where it's cold? Why couldn't the butterfly-penguins move north where it's warmer?" Haruka questioned.

"I think that would depend on where the penguin was originally from, wouldn't it? Not all penguins live in the arctic, but I think one might have a hard time adapting to warmer weather to accommodate for the new wings. Plus, if they had to go through an evolution stage like a caterpillar, then they would still have the wings while they are in the arctic, wouldn't they? So they wouldn't be able to travel to a better place, anyway. Unless they were already there, but they would need the wings to get there."

Haruka looked at him through squinted eyes. Then he suddenly out of nowhere pulled out a small sketchbook and a pencil and started drawing something. Makoto tried to lean over to see what, but he leaned away so Makoto couldn't see. "Okay, but…" He set his pencil down and showed the three of them a drawing of what he had been picturing in his head. "You can't tell me that it isn't at least a cool idea."

Both Nagisa and Rei cracked a smile. "Yeah, okay." Nagisa gave in, "It would be neat to see one of those flying around in the sky."

"Did you really draw this that fast?" Rei said, pulling the sketchbook away to examine it better.

"Uhm… Yeah… I guess…" Haruka said, suddenly seeming nervous again.

"Wow, and it's really good, too!" Nagisa exclaimed, "Can I see what else you've done?"

Haruka practically jumped out of his seat. "N-no, no, that's okay. You probably don't want to see anyway."

"Of course I do! Let me see, Rei." He took the book from Rei and started flipping through the pages. Makoto thought about intervening for a second, but he didn't really see much harm in it. Besides, he was curious about what Haruka was always drawing in that sketchbook of his. "Aaaaw, Mako-chan!" Nagisa cooed, flipping through the next few pages more quickly.

"What is it?" Makoto leaned over the table to try and get a look.

"N-no, just give it back, it's nothing!" Haruka stood and and started making his way around the table.

"Lookie lookie!" Nagisa quick passed the book onto Makoto so he could see.

The book was opened up to a picture of Makoto and Nitori sitting at a table surrounded by faceless white figures. He flipped the next few pages towards the penguin one. Him laying on his stomach on a bed, him waiting in line, him an Haruka laying down very comfortably, him and that porpoise thing, a side shot of him watching tv, two people holding hands, some girl Makoto had never seen before looking rather angry, a close-up of him laughing, him making some weird pose, him in the process of taking off his shirt, him and Harka kissing, him and Haruka-

Makoto was a little surprised when he saw the next picture. He couldn't help but stare at it, unsure what to feel. A mixture of emotions, embarrassment, amusement, absolute happiness. They all settled somewhere in him, leaving him unable to move or say anything.

"Ma-Makoto?" Haruka said in a timid voice, "are you... Angry?"

Makoto looked up at him, he with his head turned away from everyone, arms tightly wrapped around him, and knuckles so white his nails could draw blood. He looked back down at the picture.

"I'm definitely feeling a lot of things," He replied, "but anger is not one of them." Haruka glanced at him, his face so red that there was almost steam coming off of him. Their eyes locked Makoto couldn't help but stare back until Haruka hid his face behind his hands. Even they were slightly tinted as well.

Out of the corner of his eye, Makoto could see Rei nudge Nagisa with his elbow. Nagisa nodded as a response.

"We should probably be going." Nagisa said, standing from his seat. Haruka turned away again, probably thankful for the change of topic."We have some things to do, but we can visit again soon!"

"Alright." Makoto said, turning back towards them, "I guess I'll see you later then."

"See yaaa!" Nagisa exclaimed, taking Rei by the hand and leading him away.

"Good-bye!" Rei said over shoulder loudly, but still trying not to disturb the others around them.

Makoto and Haruka were left in a partially awkward silence.

"Are you sure you're not mad… or something…" Haruka mumbled.

"Why would I be?" Makoto replied.

"I don't know, because, like… I'm a disgusting pervert and I violated your privacy…"

"Well, I can't exactly deny that last part, but it's not like I really mind. I mean, we're roommates for one, so of course you're going to see me changing, and two, I like you. So I really don't care. And for that first part, it's not like I haven't thought about it, too, so whatever. After all it's only natural to want to do it with someone you really like, right?"

"W-well, I guess, b-but that doesn't mean that it's okay to draw it like that… I should have just kept something so gross like that to myself and-"

"Are you saying that I'm gross?"

"What?! No, no way, it's just-"

"So you're saying that wanting to have sex with me is gross."

"No, not because of you, only because it's me."

"What do you mean by that?"

"It's me that's disgusting." He said with his head down. "What I feel for you, who I am, that's absolutely sickening. I don't understand why you still try to be around me, I have nothing special I can give you. I can't even give you anything good."

Makoto was silent, letting what Haruka said sink it. He scowled, "Is that really what you think?"

"Of course. I can't lie to myself."

Makoto stood from his seat, grabbed Haruka by his wrist, and started leading him away.

"Where are we going?" Haruka asked, his voice not changing from before. Makoto did not answer and led them through the large double doors, not going unnoticed by anyway, and then down the hall into their room.

Inside Makoto closed their door behind them and let go of Haruka's wrist. He took a few steps away from Makoto and wrapped his arms around himself. Makoto continued to step closer to him until his back hit the wall.

"Wha-what?" Haruka stuttered, unable to look at Makoto.

"Tell me what you said before." Makoto said, closing the space between them.

"Where a-are we going?" Haruka replied, even though he knew that wasn't what Makoto was referring to.

"No. Before that." Makoto pushed himself even closer. "What did you say about yourself."

Haruka gulped, "I'm… disgusting…"

"Oh really." Makoto leaned forward so that their noses were almost touching. "What else did you say."

"I'm… Sickening…"

"And why."

"Be-because I… I like you…"

"But why does that make you disgusting?"

"Because I can't give you anything back…"

There, that's what Makoto was waiting for. As soon as Haruka said that, Makoto leaned in and crashed their lips together. Immediately Haruka tensed up and tried to pull away,but there was no room to. Makoto pushed their bodies together against the wall and trapping him with his hips, trying not to be any more forceful than he needed to be. He just wanted to make Haruka understand, not scare him or anything like that.

There wasn't anything special about the kiss. Haruka didn't really move with Makoto much, or at all for that matter. He was mostly still, and Makoto wasn't sure if it was because he was holding back or completely frozen in shock. And he didn't taste like strawberries or vanilla or something sweet like that. In fact, he only faintly tasted like the bit of bread and butter that he actually had from lunch earlier. He didn't really smell, either. If like anything, it would be the soap that everyone used.

However, what Makoto did not miss was the way that Haruka trembled when he nipped at his lower lip or how he reached up for Makoto's arm when he started playing with the bottom of his shirt. He shivered when Makoto slid his hand underneath the hem of his pants, trailing along his hip before brushing his fingers up Haruka's stomach.

But then he felt something that made him stop. Was that a scratch? It was probably just one of the ones from before, nothing to worry about. No, no wait, there were definitely more than before! Makoto felt them a little more carefully, then determined that they didn't feel like the ones he knew for sure were older, either.

Seeming to realize what was going on, Haruka began to struggle out of Makoto's grip and tried to push Makoto away from him. Makoto pulled away from him, crouched down, and immediately yanked up his shirt, exposing his stomach. Sure enough, there were many more red lines than Makoto remembered there being, and he could tell that they looked relatively new. There was even a new word as well. 'PERVERT'... Haruka didn't stop trying to rip away or at least force his shirt down, but it was futile.

Makoto knew in his head what they were from. Obviously somehow Haruka had found a way to… do this to himself, even here. He just didn't want to believe it. So he asked anyway, "Where did you get these?" Haruka was looking back down at him, wide eyed like a deer in headlights. That alone was an answer for Makoto, but he still wanted to hear Haruka say it himself. That was the only way that he would be able to truly be able to believe it's true.

Haruka tried to avert his eyes, but he couldn't help but look right back at Makoto again. "I-I don't know." He stuttered quietly.

"Don't lie." Makoto said, his voice a little shaky as he tried to keep calm. "It's okay, you can tell me the truth."

Haruka bit down on his lower lip. "I-I… I did it…"

"Why?"

"Be-because I-I'm… H-horrible…"

Makoto was silent for a moment. "Do you really believe that, though?"Haruka slowly nodded. "Enough to do this?" He hesitated, but nodded again. "How? How did you even manage to do this here, of all places?" To think that no one noticed something like this. They should have been keeping a closer eye out for something like this, especially for patients like Haruka.

Haruka looked away, taking a moment to answer. "A nail."

"A nail. You did this with a nail…?" Looking back at them, Makoto had thought that they weren't anywhere near as deep as the others, some barely even breaking skin at all, and he just figured that Haruka had done that on purpose in order to not get found out as easily, but… If it was a nail, he probably wouldn't of been able to do anything more than this. "Is this all of it?" Makoto continued to ask, although he didn't want to. He didn't want to know if his love had hurt himself even more. Just this was too much to handle…

"No." Haruka gave a breathily reply.

"Show me."

"What?"

"Show me. I want to see the rest." Makoto said. It was a lie, he definitely did not want to see the rest, but he thought that it would be for the better if he did.

"Are you sure?" Haruka asked while nervously squeezing his left arm. Makoto replied by not changing his gaze. "You won't like it…" Haruka warned as he stepped away a little. With shaky hands he reached and pulled his shirt up over his head and revealed the rest of his torso. It wasn't as many as the lower ones were, but there were some that did look newer.

"Is there more?" Makoto asked. Slowly Haruka moved and grabbed the hem of his pants and pulled down the sides. There were many more just below where Makoto was feeling just two minutes earlier. But what really made Makoto's heart ache was the fact that some of them were circles, holes almost. Hand trembling, Makoto reached out and lightly rubbed one of them with his thumb. Sure enough, it was no scratch, but a rather deep hole.

"Oh my god." Makoto choked, the thought of Haruka doing something like this to himself was enough to make him vomit.

As Haruka went to pull his pants back up, Makoto noticed something off and made him hold it. There was something different about one of the puncture marks. It almost looked silver instead red! As soon as Haruka realized what it was that Makoto was inspecting, he smacked his hand down over the hole in question. Upon impact he whimpered and his knees gave out, Makoto making an attempt to catch him on the way down.

"Haruka?" Makoto said in a panic, "What happened? What did you do?"

"I-I it's nothing." Haruka said in a rushed voice.

Makoto wasn't so sure about that, "Then show me."

"It's nothing, you don't have to worry about it."

"If there's really nothing to worry about, then you should have no problem showing me."

"You don't have to worry about it." Haruka repeated.

"But I do, because I love you, now show me." Still Haruka did not move. Makoto sighed, "Look, if we were switched places here, wouldn't you do the same? You have to understand, right?" Haruka thought for a moment before removing his hand.

Blood. There was blood on his fingers. No, it was coming from his leg. The hole that he covered was bleeding!

Then the obvious hit Makoto, his heart dropping into his stomach. He wasn't sure what to say or what to do, what to think. There was a nail still in Haruka's leg! What was Makoto supposed to do about that? He wasn't a doctor or anything, so he wasn't really sure if he should leave it there or take it out, or if he should tell someone or not. If he didn't tell someone then he would have to deal with this himself, and if he did tell someone, then he could get Haruka the help that he needed, but at the same time Haruka would not only get in trouble, but he would probably hate Makoto after that. Plus, they might move him so that they can monitor him more and then Makoto wouldn't be able to see him anymore.

Truth be told, Makoto was leaning towards not telling anyone, but now was no time to be selfish. It was obvious that Haruka needed help, quite badly, and Makoto wasn't confident that he would be able to give him the help that he needed. And so he tried to think of a story that would not get Haruka in trouble. However, no matter how hard he thought, there was nothing he could say that would explain why there were multiple holes and new scratches on Haruka's body, unless it was he himself that did it or someone else did it to him.

"You're angry." Haruka said quietly.

"I'm not angry, it's just-" Makoto unintentionally raised his voice, making Haruka flinch back. He stopped himself to breathe and calm down before continuing, "I'm not angry, I'm just concerned. But of course I would be concerned when I learn that you're bleeding from a nail that's in your leg." Makoto paused to gather his thoughts and make a final decision. He nodded and said, "We need to tell someone."

Haruka's eyes widened. "What? No! We can't!"

"Haruka, we have to!" Makoto took his hand and started moving towards the door.

"N-no, we can't! I really don't think that's a good idea!" Haruka exclaimed, trying to yank his hand away, but Makoto only held on tighter.

"You're hurt and you're bleeding."

"I'm fine, you don't have to-"

"No, you're not fine! We have to get you to a doctor or something!"

"Makoto, stop! Please!"

"We need someone to get that nail out of you!"

"Fine!" Haruka roughly pulled his hand away from Makoto. He dug into his leg, ripped out the nail, tearing some flesh as well, and threw it to the floor. It made a loud clank and spattered blood on the white flooring as it skidded away from them. Instantaneously Haruka collapsed on to the ground, covering his face with both hands. His shoulders clearly began to shake as he started to cry.

Makoto stared at the silver object and red tainted floor. He felt sick. He couldn't look away from the red and the red spot on Haruka's pants that only seemed to be growing. There was blood, and an increasing amount of it pooling next to him, all of it coming from Haruka's head. No, no, keep it together. It wasn't anything too serious like that. Haruka was fine, he just needed some help.

Shakily Makoto got down next to Haruka. "It's okay." He said with a shaky voice, as if he was still trying to convince himself, "It's okay. You'll be okay, nothing bad is going to happen, I promise. You can trust me, right?"

Haruka looked up at him with tear stained cheeks. "But you don't understand. You don't know what they might do if they found out. What if they decided to examine me, break open my head and cut into my brain to see what's wrong with me, or what if they put me into a circus as some freak like that guy from those horror movies but instead of pins in his head its pins in his legs, what if they tell her, or what if they try and see what else they can shove in there before I die, or what if-"

"They wouldn't do anything bad, that would be inhuman. I really don't think-" Wait, one of those seemed like something that could actually happen. Her? Her who? "Who are you afraid that they will tell?"

Haruka looked away, regretting that he had said anything. "I-I don't know, anyone." He lied, "I don't want anyone to know about this."

"Well, they wouldn't tell any of the other patients, right? They would probably tell your family and friends, though." The thought seemed to make Haruka nervous. So there was someone outside of here that Haruka was afraid of. But did Haruka even know who any of them were? After all, he didn't even remember who he was or why he was there, and it's not like-

Makoto remembered the reason he was put into that room in the first place. Haruka had come back from a visitation where something bad had happened. Could the person he was visiting then be the girl that he was talking about now? Makoto wanted to ask, but at the same time, he didn't want to alarm Haruka, either.

But that was another matter for another time. Right now Haruka needed a doctor. Makoto could worry about the rest later.

"Okay, for now…" Makoto started, trailing off as he thought about what to do next. "For now put your shirt back on. I'll clean this up and hide the nail somewhere and then go get a nurse. She'll see the blood on your pants and immediately take you to a doctor. The most anyone will know is that you got hurt, right?

"But how would I of gotten hurt?"

"I don't know, we'll make something up later when the time comes!" Makoto stood up and helped Haruka onto his feet.

What was he supposed to clean up the blood with? Most of what he had to wear was lighter colored, so it would be obvious, and they don't do their own laundry, either.

"Hey, can I use your sweashirt or something for this?" He asked/ Haruka didn't reply, staring at him for a moment before tossing the clothing over to him. "Thanks."

Now for the nail… Obviously Makoto knew he had to hide it, but he wasn't sure where he could. If he put it in many of the places here, it would be found way too easily and both of them would get in trouble.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. Makoto's heart about blew out of his chest as he began to panic. Someone was coming in and he was still holding the nail and had no idea what to do with it! Surely if it was found, Haruka would get in trouble and so would Makoto for trying to help and they he would be moved or something and there was no way that Makoto could let that happen! As the handle started to turn, Makoto quick turned around. He pulled his pants away from him and carefully slid the nail into his undergarment is a way so that it wouldn't poke him too much.

"Makoto Tachibana?" A female nurse said as she came in.

"Yes?" Makoto replied, turning around to look at her. He expected the nail to be cold against his skin, but… He was mostly disgusted and disheartened to find that it was more sticky and warm than it was cold…

"Mrs. Amakata wants to see you. She asked me to bring you to her."

"Okay, but nurse? Can you help us with something?"

"Makoto, don't." Haruka stepped forward to try and stop him.

"I think Haruka needs to see a doctor." Makoto continued anyway.

"A doctor?" The nurse now turned her attention to Haruka, "Why?"

"Will you just take him to see one, please?"

The nurse stared at him. "Alright," she said after a moment, "but I need to take you to see Mrs. Amakata first."

"Thank you." Makoto sighed. Haruka shot a glare in his direction. Yeah, that's how Makoto thought he would react, for the most part. Of course Haruka would be mad at him, he basically was ratting him out. It was for a good reason, but that didn't really matter to Haruka. Not right now at least. But hopefully he would understand that Makoto is just worried about him and forgive him eventually.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter was meant to be even longer that it is now, but there were some bits that I decided to completely edit out, because they were either bad and/or pointless.


	15. My Pain is Your Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto tries to understand Haruka better.

It was hard for Haruka to talk after what had happened. Not that he really talked that much in the first place, but Makoto definitely noticed that something had changed. However, Makoto was accepting of this, because he was expecting much worse to of come out of it. But so far, all that has happened was Haruka seeing a doctor to get himself patched up and both of them having a separate, unscheduled session with Mrs. Amakata. Obviously Makoto did not know what they had talked about, but she had basically asked him about how the situation made him feel and how he handled it in the moment and stuff like that. She also asked about where the item that he had done it with was, but Makoto didn't answer that.

Mrs. Amakata had sighed and ended the session, seeming to know that she wouldn't be able to get Makoto to talk if he didn't want to. Though he did expect her to complain about him not telling her about what she had asked, he figured that the session was certainly more successful than some past ones had been all in all. It'd be bad to push her luck to force him to talk.

Makoto had gotten up and left the room without saying any more to her.

Even Nitori noticed that something was different about them, even though Makoto was trying not to act like it. It made Makoto feel bad, because he didn't really want to tell Nitori, partially for his own sake (he certainly didn't need more stuff to worry about) and partially because it wasn't his business to tell anyway. So instead he tried to make something up, but he was pretty sure that Nitori saw through it anyway.

Later on, Matsuoka also came up to Makoto while he was waiting in line to get dinner and asked him what was going on. He said his reason was because it was really making Nitori worry (which Makoto didn't doubt was part of the reason), but he couldn't help but feel with the way that Matsuoka was acting that he cared at least a little as well. However, that did not stop Makoto from telling him the same exact lie that he had told Nitori.

Through all of this Makoto really started to wonder what was going through Haruka's head that he did not know about. He just could not understand how he could feel so horrible to drive himself to doing that, and then to keep on doing it, even though it hurt. Certainly he had heard about it helping people release their emotions or something like that, but he never known anyone who believed it.

It also did not help that he just could not understand the idea in the first place. Sure, there were plenty of painful things going on in his mind now, but he wasn't sure they would ever make him want to physically harm himself on purpose like that.

But then he thought of something. What if Haruka was the same way at first? What if he had heard that it was a thing and thought he could try it himself and see if it worked for him? What if at first he was also confused about it, like Makoto was, but thought he had nothing to lose if it didn't work and decided to give it a try as well? And then as it turned out it did help him release some stress or whatever it was for him and so he got addicted to the feeling and therefore got addicted to self-harm.

This was the only explanation Makoto could come up with. And with that conclusion… he decided he wanted to try it as well.

He was convinced that it would not do anything for him, but that did not stop him from wanting to try. After all, on the off chance that it did do something, then he would be able to understand Haruka more and be able to help him. Besides, given the place they were in, it's not like he would be able to get addicted to it anyway. Not without someone noticing, at least.

And so he did. He waited until after dinner was finished and he went into his room. Quietly closing the door behind him, he went over to his bed, sat down and pulled the nail Haruka had used previously out from underneath his pillow. He was sort of surprised to find that it was still there, and was a little glad about it, but at the same time not so much. He wanted to go through with this so that he could understand Haruka, but at the same time he was scared about the results.

He closed his eyes and sighed, taking a few deep breaths. He wanted to think about where he would do it so there was the least percent chance of him being found out. So, obviously, his arms were out. And he figured anywhere on his torso would hurt worse than most other places. He remembered Haruka's thighs being far worse than everything else. Maybe there would be the best place? Makoto wasn't entirely sure, so he just went with that.

With understandably shaky hands Makoto pulled his pants down a little. He looked at the nail and lightly placed it against his skin. Already his stomach was beginning to churn and he was barely feeling anything yet. It didn't help that the nail was starting to rust. But he had already come this far, and it wasn't like he would be able to find something else he could do this with. Not in a place like this. He gulped, squeezing his eyes shut. It took some last second convincing before he was able to jerk his hand to the side.

Almost instantly his entire thigh was covered in a stinging pain, and he had only made a scratch. When he opened his eyes he could see that he was barely even bleeding. Despite the pain that he definitely felt, he didn't think that it was enough. Haruka was able to do ten- no- a hundred times worse than this over and over again. He had to do at least a little more.

He placed the nail against himself again, this time harder than before, and quickly and more forcefully dragged it over the previous scratch. He bit down on his lip so that he did not make any noise. He had done so little in comparison and already he thought he was going to throw up.

Maybe one more. Just one more. Maybe Makoto just hadn't done enough yet for the feeling to settle in. That would make sense, right? Maybe? At this point Makoto was just grasping at straws.

Once more he placed down the nail, this time even harder than the last, and without giving himself the chance to hesitate, ripped it across his skin and unintentionally making a larger mark than before. Even though his tightly clenched teeth he could not help but whimper. Blood began to surface immediately and slowly started to drip down the side of his leg. And he still did not get it. How could Haruka willingly put himself through such a horrible feeling over and over again? It seemed that no matter what or how hard he tried, he just could not grasp it.

"Makoto?" The voice scared Makoto, despite how quiet it had been. His heart dropped into his stomach as he looked towards the doorway where the sound had come from. There Haruka was standing with a horrified look on his face. Slowly he stepped in and, without taking his wide eyes away from Makoto, closed the door behind him.

"What are you doing?" Haruka asked him, even though he obviously knew the answer.

"I-It's nothing." Makoto lied anyway, trying to pull up his pants to conceal his injuries. However, as soon as they touched the fabric they started to be stained red, thus making it more obvious.

"You call that nothing?!" Haruka immediately got louder as he stepped closer to Makoto.

"It's really nothing." Makoto continued to talk calmly, "I just… I didn't mean it like that."

"Didn't mean it like what? Not that that matters, because either way you hurt yourself and that is a horrible thing!"

"Haruka, it's okay, you don't have to-"

"Do NOT tell me not to worry about it! You worry about me all the time, so I should be allowed to worry about you, too!"

"But I really didn't mean it in that way!"

"Then in what way did you mean it? Why would you do such a thing? Haven't you learned from me?"

"It's because I wanted to understand why you do it that I did!"

"It's because you-" Haruka stopped and his eyes went wide. "Be-...cause you-..." He tried to finish, but trailed off again. He slowly sat down next to Makoto on the bed and looked at him with tears beginning to form in his eyes. "You just… want to understand?"

"Yes." Makoto sighed, glad that the tone of the situation had calmed down so much before it could get worse. In fact, it seemed that at least most of Haruka's anger had completely disappeared.

His hands trembled as Haruka reached and out pulled down Makoto's pants a little so that he could see the damage that was done. Makoto could easily tell that it made him feel bad about it, because his tears began to fall more rapidly.

"I'm sorry." Makoto mumbled to try and comfort him.

"Don't apologize to me." Haruka immediately replied, "I'm the one who should apologize, I'm the one who made you do this."

"Hey." Makoto said more sternly. He took Haruka's head in both of his hands and made him look him in the eyes. "You did not make me do this." He said as clear as possible, "I did not do this out of impulse, because I wanted to cause myself pain, okay? I had been thinking about it and thought maybe it would help me understand you better so that I can help you." He smiled and let his hands drop, "Unfortunately I still don't get it, because it really hurts and I never want to do this again, but at least that means you won't have to worry about it, right?"

Haruka seemed to think about it for a second before looking away and nodding.

Makoto sighed and pulled his pants back up. "So what should we do about this?" He said, holding out the rusty nail.

"You used that?"

Makoto blinked, "Well what else would I have used?"

"B-but…! What if it get's infected?!"

Makoto shrugged, "Then it get's infected. This is a hospital, so it's not like it's that big of a deal."

"But-"

"It's not a big deal. Like I said, if something does happen, then it shouldn't be that hard to deal with, right?" Haruka did not seem convinced, but still he agreed anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I don't actually know what they would do to someone who self-harmed while in the hospital for sure, but I know someone who works in a jail and she says that they wouldn't do much the first time, unless they actually tried to kill themselves. But if they did do that or if it happened again, the person would have to wear a restricting jacket.


	16. It's just a game to you, isn't it?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto tries to play a prank on Haruka, by hiding Paopu, but things go completely wrong.

“Where is he?” To anyone else, this question may have seemed like it came out of nowhere, but to Makoto, hearing it come from Haruka, he knew exactly what he was talking about.

“What’s wrong, Haruka?” Makoto asked, forcing back a smile, “What are you looking for?”

“Not ‘what’, ‘who’! I can’t find Paopu!” Haruka waved his arms around dramatically to show just how important this situation was (or something like that). Well, to him at least.

“Isn’t it on your bed?” Makoto asked, knowing full well that this was not the case. After all, it was his fault that the stuffed thing had gone missing in the first place. “It should be somewhere in our room at least.”

“But he isn’t, I checked! He isn’t in there at all and I’ve checked every single place I can think of, even the toilets!”

“The toilets? You think someone might have tried to flush it?”

“I don’t know! Maybe they thought it would help him get back home! But they don’t know that his home is with me!”

“Home? It’s not like it’s a real animal thing. Anyone can see that.”

“Don’t you talk like that.” Haruka pointed a finger at him, “And please, stop calling him an ‘it’, it’s very rude.”

“Whatever.” Makoto rolled his eyes.

“So will you help me look for him?”

Makoto sighed, “I guess I can, but I’m not sure how much help I’ll be.”

Haruka smiled cutely, making Makoto feel guilty for all of this. “Thanks.” However he was not guilty enough to apologize or tell it was hidden.

“Have you asked anyone else if they have seen i- him?” Makoto asked, calmingly walking behind the frantic Haruka.

“Everyone I asked said they had no idea who I was talking about. As if they haven’t seen him before!”

“Maybe they just don’t remember? You don’t really take him out of the room very often.”

“So?”

Makoto paused, “So unless they go in our room without our permission, they wouldn’t of been able to see him.”

“You shouldn’t make blind guesses on something as serious as this.” Makoto wasn’t making a blind guess, he was stating a fact. Not that he was going to tell Haruka otherwise. It probably wouldn’t end  
well if he did.

“What’ll I do if we can’t find him?!” Haruka whined.

“I’m sure we’ll find him.” Makoto said as he halfheartedly started to help look. He couldn’t help but think that it was cute how Haruka looked like that.

“No, you don’t understand, I need him. He’s the only one who’s always been there for me! I don’t know what I’d do without him…”

“I’m here for you…”

“Thanks, but it's not the same.” Ouch, that hurt.

Makoto sighed. After that comment, this wasn’t fun anymore. “Hey, I think I may know where it is.” He said.

Haruka’s eyes instantly lit up, “Really?! Where?! Take me to him!”

“All right, all right, come on. This way.” Makoto took him by the hand and began leading him toward that back room from before, the one they played hide and seek in.

But it wasn’t there.

“Well?” Haruka asked impatiently, “Where is he?”

“I… I don’t know… I thought it-”

“He!”

“He… would be here. But he isn’t…”

Haruka groaned, “I don’t have time for this! We have to find him, Makoto, we have to!”

“I know, I know, calm down.” Makoto took Haruka by the hands, “We’ll find him, I promise. Let’s just look around some more to be sure we didn’t miss anything.”

“But what if we don’t? What if someone took him and is doing bad things to him?! What if I never see him again?!”

“Calm down, Haruka! I won’t let that happen, I promise. I will make sure that we find your dolphin for you.”

“He’s not a dolphin! He’s a porpoise!” Haruka forcefully pulled away from him, “Do you actually even care?!”

Makoto wasn’t sure how to respond to that. Sure, he didn’t care about the stuffed animal, but he cared about Haruka. “Of course I do.” Makoto smiled, “I’m just so worried that I slipped up. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it.”

A look of fear spread across Haruka’s face. “You’re lying.” He said as he took a step back and wrapped his arms around each other, hugging himself. “Y-you’re lying to me.”

“I’m not lying, Haruka. I really do care.”

“No, you’re lying! Stop it!”

“Are you listening? I wouldn’t be helping you now if I didn’t care, right?”

“No!” Haruka screamed, putting his hands over her ears, “No, you’re just saying that so I’ll believe you!”

“Haruka, come on. Don’t be like that, please.” Makoto tried to take a step closer.

“N-no! Stop it, s-stay away! Stay away from me!”

“Haruka, I-”

“Leave me alone, please!”

“What’s going on in here? A male nurse suddenly showed up in the doorway. He stepped in closer. “Did you do something to him?”

“N-no, I- we were-”

“No! Stay away from me!” Haruka pushed the nurse and stumbled away from them. Makoto stood there, watching Haruka’s back as his shoulders trembled. He wanted to do something to help, but there wasn’t anything that he could do, not without making Haruka even more frightened.

“J-just stay away. Leave me alone!” Haruka suddenly began to furiously scratch at his arms in a blind panic with one hand and pulling out his hair with the other.

“H-hey, don’t do that!” The nurse exclaimed, taking Haruka by the hands so he couldn’t hurt himself.

“Don’t touch me!” Haruka tried to pull away, but the nurse held on tight.

“You! Go get someone to help!” The nurse ordered to Makoto.

Makoto nodded helplessly, “O-okay.”

Quickly he turned and ran out of the room. He had to find someone as fast as possible.

“T-tachibana-kun?” He heard the small voice of Nitori, “Wh-what’s going on? Wh-why do yo-you l-l-look-”

“Not now.” Makoto interrupted him. Nitori flinched as if he had been hurt by his words, so Makoto added, “Sorry, I just need to find a nurse or someone immediately. Haruka-” Luckily he spotted Mrs. Amakata walking to her office over Nitori’s shoulder.

“Excuse me.” He said, pushing past his friend. “Mrs. Amakata! Mrs. Amakata, wait! We need your help!”

She stopped in her tracks and gave him a surprised look. “Oh, Tachibana-kun! What is it? What can I do for you?”

“It’s Haruka.”

“Haruna?”

Not the time!

“He… I don’t know, he needs help. We were talking a-and he suddenly started to freak out and a nurse came a-and-”

“Okay, okay, just show me the way.”

“Down that way.” Makoto pointed down the hallway.

“Alright, you stay here. I’ll take care of it.” She said, then sped off in that direction.

Makoto leaned against the wall, his heart pounding and mind racing. Haruka’s screams had gotten worse and could be heard from down the hall… Makoto hadn’t planned on going back there unless he had  
to, anyway. He didn’t want to have to see Haruka like that, his mental state was already having a hard enough time knowing that it was mostly his fault for hiding the stupid stuffed animal in the first place.

“A-are you okay?” Nitori asked in a small voice as he cautiously approached.

“Not really.” Makoto answered honestly.

“W-wh-why? Wha-what’s w-w-wrong?”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“B-b-but-”

“Hey.”

“Y-yes!?”

“Have you seen Haruka’s stuffed porpoise?”

“P-p-porpoise? That’s h-his?”

“Yeah. So you know where it is?”

“I-I th-think I s-saw s-someone with i-it.”

“Really?” Makoyo perked up, “Who?”

“I-I’m not sure.”

“Do you know where they are?”

“Pr-obably in the-the c-common area, l-like usual.”

“Thanks.” Makoto said, patting Nitori on the shoulder as he passed, a new mission set.

* * *

 

Sure enough, right in the middle of the common area was a patient that Makoto saw quite frequently. Kisumi was his name. He was always in the common area, making an ass of himself and enjoying it. He also made an effort to talk to everyone who walked in ever, even if they were obviously uncomfortable by it (Haruka and Nitori for example). Basically everyone who had been here for more than a day knew him by name. Therefore, Makoto had no problem talking to him.

“Hey... “ Makoto began as he approached him. He could tell that it was this person who he was looking for, because he was holding the missing stuffed animal in his arms. He hugged it tighter as Makoto came closer. “Where did you get that?” Makoto asked in an accusing tone.

“Get what?” He said, unable to look at him.

Makoto narrowed his eyes, “You know what I mean.”

“Oh, this?” He pointed to the stuffed animal, “I’m not sure what you mean, it’s my little brother’s. I’m just holding onto it.” Listening to this guy talk like that made Makoto understand how other people felt  
when talking to him about Haruka… Of course, this was a little different, because Haruka wasn’t dead, unlike...

“Sure, sure. It’s just that it looks an awfully lot like Haruka’s, which happens to be missing right now.”

“That’s unfortunate.” He said, trying to inch away from Makoto, “Anyway, I should probably go, I have somewhere I need to be.”

“Really? Well then let’s make this quick.” Makoto leaned in so he could whisper into his ear, “Listen to me. Haruka really needs this, so if you give it to me now, maybe I will look over this as a mistake, for now, and not have to take any immediate action against you.” He pulled away enough to flash Kisumi a smile. “Do you understand?”

He nodded and practically shoved it into Makoto’s hands.

“Thank you.” Makoto said with a sigh.

* * *

 

“He isn’t settling down and he keeps injuring himself.” Makoto could hear that male nurse say as he approached the door again, “I think we need to sedate him.” Sedate? Makoto remembered when they did that to him. Were they going to put him into that same froom?!

“Alright.” Mrs. Amakata was agreeing to it?! There was no way Makoto could let them put him in that horrible place! He had to do something!

The nurse blew past him just ask Makoto reentered the room. Haruka was not huddled in a corner with Mrs. Amakata next to him, blocking Makoto’s view from seeing anymore.

“Haruka, look!” Makoto said, feigning enthusiasm, “I found i- I mean, him! Like I said I would, right?” Haruka went silent, almost completely still even, at the sound of Makoto’s voice. “Haruka? I found your porpoise. Do you want him?”

Mrs. Amakata turned to look at Makoto giving him a chance to actually see Haruka in the process. He had only been gone for a few minutes and already Haruka’s arms were red and bleeding from him digging at them.

“You should probably leave.” Mrs. Amakata warned, but Makoto had no intention of moving.

As if on cue, the male nurse came back, with a syringe in hand. Two more nurses came in behind him, one of them carrying what looked to be a white coat. “Hold him.” The male nurse ordered the free handed one.

The third nurse approached Haruka, who tried to back away, but he was already cornered. Immediately when he noticed this, be began to kick and scream even more than he already was. This did not stop the nurse from trying to hold him down. The male nurse came closer, preparing the syringe.

Makoto turned away, feeling absolutely helpless. He couldn’t watch as they did that to Haruka , but he also couldn’t do anything to stop them that would actually do any good, either. He covered his ears to try and block out Haruka’s screams, but he was simply too loud. It was just too horrible.

And it was all Makoto’s fault. He shouldn’t have messed with Haruka’s stuff like that, especially when he knew how important it was to Haruka… Then again, he also did not anticipate someone else other than him or Haruka finding it, either.

Makoto felt an arm lightly wrap around him. He knew it was Mrs. Amakata without even looking. Partially because the nurses were busy and partially because it was her job to do this. To make sure patients didn’t go even more crazy than they already were. She probably could tell how just being there was affecting Makoto and slowly led him out of the room.

* * *

 

“Would you care to explain what just happened to me, Tachibana-kun.” Mrs. Amakata said in a stern, yet not accusing tone. Her and Makoto sat in their usual seats in her office, but this time without her clipboard near by. Instead she sat with her hand neatly folded in her lap and patiently waited for his answer.

“Like I said before,” Makoto began, unable to look her in the eyes, “he just started to freak out, so I came to get someone. To get you.”

“That much I know. I’m asking what triggered his actions.”

“I don’t know.” Makoto realized he said that much too quickly for her to believe it.

“Makoto.” her tone hardened, “You know that I only want to help, but I can’t do that unless you tell me what happened.”

Makoto sighed, giving in. “I’m not really sure, either. We were trying to find his stuffed animal and… He started yelling and calling me a liar.”

“A liar? May I ask what led up to that?”

Makoto thought for a moment. “I think I called it a dolphin when it’s actually a porpoise.”

“And he called you a liar for that?”

Makoto frowned. “No. After that he asked if I really cared about finding it and I told him I did.”

“And you were lying.”

“Well, sort of… Of course I don’t really care about the stuffed animal. But I care about Haruka and he cares for it, therefore I must also care for it.”

Mrs. Amakata shifted in her seat. “I’m not sure you really think that.”

“What?”

“By the way you talk about him, the stuffed porpoise I mean, it doesn’t really seem like you care about him at all, even though he is clearly very important to Manami-kun. He gets brought up in conversations between me and Manami-kun quite often, so I know how important he really is. And if I am picking up on your true thoughts, then they must have had quite the impact on him too.”

Makoto wasn’t sure what to say. She had seen right through him. He had thought he was doing good at lying about it. Until now, at least.

Mrs. Amakata continued, “Even more so, in the past with other patients, I know that Manami-kun has reacted strongly whenever he detects that someone is lying, even if it is about something small or there  
weren’t actually lying at all.”

“Is there a reason why?”

“It may be because of past experiences or for no real reason at all. I’m not sure yet. And his amnesia does not help the fact.”

“His amnesia.” Makoto repeated, remembering experiencing it first hand. “Do you know why he has that?”

“Not entirely, however…” Mrs. Amakata paused. “I’m not sure I should be telling you. this, but I think it may be beneficial to him for you to know. None of us have much of an inkling as to what the cause may be for sure, other than it relating to the reason he is here…”

“The reason he is in here…”

“Yes. As much as I hate to think of it, but I have reason to believe that it’s someone’s fault. That someone used to always lie to him and cause his brain to erase his memories and then repeat that every  
week.”

“Every week?”

“Every Monday his memories reset. If you don’t talk to him, you probably wouldn’t notice, because he never shows that he is lost or has no idea who you are or what is going on around him. For the most part he just goes along with it. I believe the reason for that may also relate to the person and or reason that he is in here.”

“And this happens every Monday?”

“Every Monday. So don’t be surprised if in a few days he doesn’t remember what happened today.”

“I see. Thank you for telling me”

“Of course. You two are close and… Since you arrived, I have seen some improvement in him.”

Makoto perked up at that, “Really? How so?”

“It hasn’t been much, but… All around he just seems happier. He talks about you a lot and when he shows me his sketch book every session it usually involves you.”

“Yeah…”

“You know about that?” Her tone and face showed genuine surprise.

“Yeah. He didn’t exactly tell me of his own will, though. It’s a long story.”

“I see. Well, when I first started working with him, he told me that he liked to draw, so I let him keep that sketch book as long as he promised to draw everything that made him feel something big, a strong emotion. He just had to show me what he drew and tell me what it made him feel, which he usually doesn’t have to with the way that he draws, and why he felt that way. It has proved to be a very effective in trying to figure him out…

“But that isn’t what we should be talking about. What about you, Tachibana-kun? How are you?”

“Aside from that? Fine, I guess.”

“Is the medication helping?”

“Wouldn’t know. I didn’t think I needed it until I had that attack.”

“Fair enough. It’s still too early to determine whether it should be changed or not. How about your temper? Have you noticed any changes with that?”

“My temper?” Makoto raised an eyebrow, “I didn’t know it was a problem.”

“I will take that as a no then. I have a feeling that it isn’t really like you to be like this, and so we have been giving you medication to try and help with that as well.”

“Shouldn’t I be told about what drugs I’m putting in my body?”

“It isn’t necessary, especially if I am lead to believe that a patient would refuse the medication if they knew what it was for. Like for you in this case. The only reason I told you about you PTSD medication is  
because I knew that you would be willing to take it more if I did.” And she wasn’t wrong about that.

“Doctor?” A nurse with bright orange hair popped her head in the door, “Are you almost done here? There is a patient waiting to speak with you.”

“Is it Kisumi-kun? Tell him I’ll be finished here in a minute.”

“No, it’s okay.” Makoto huffed, standing up, “We’re done here anyway.”


End file.
